No Longer Attracted To Your Partner? Here’s What You Need To Do

When you first met him, he was the hottest guy ever. These days, his looks are waning from your perspective. It could be due to getting too comfortable, or maybe some of his negative personality traits just cancel out your level of attraction to him. If you still want to keep the relationship together, here’s what to do.

  1. Figure out if there are other issues bothering you. He might look exactly the same as the day you met him, but back then, he didn’t forget to pay the credit card bill. If you’re upset by your partner not stepping up and being a grown adult, they’re way less attractive in your eyes. Just remember that this problem may not have anything to do with physical appearance. He could just look a lot less appealing due to his own bad decisions. That means it’s time to have an important sit-down talk with your boyfriend to change things around before he becomes toxic in your eyes.
  2. See if he’s depressed. If basic hygiene has gone by the wayside, there could be bigger issues at hand. Check in with him to see how work is going and try to analyze whether or not his lack of showers is due to a mental health crisis or simple laziness. If you really like this guy, you’ll have to talk to him about it no matter what. Either offer to support him in seeing a therapist and getting help or give him an ultimatum about how crucial it is to be clean.
  3. Try to suggest getting out more. Nothing is grosser than seeing a guy eat chicken wings while sprawled out on the couch with blue cheese dressing draped down his beard. If most of your dates are happening indoors, he’s bound to get a little repulsive when it comes to basic habits. Go out more and surround yourselves by other couples to help break him of his less attractive quirks.
  4. Figure out if your tastes have changed. They totally do. The guy you thought was cute back in middle school may be totally different than the kind of guy you’re with now. It stinks if you’re in love but aren’t attracted to your partner after a handful of years together. The next decision is asking yourself how much physical appearance really matters to you.
  5. Try out a new hobby together. When you first fell in love, it was because things were fresh and new. Maybe trying out a new skill together could help reignite some of your passion. You’ll be able to see your partner in a new light and get to spend some quality time together.
  6. Suggest a healthier lifestyle for both of you. Did he gain a lot of weight? Does he seem to be a much less healthy version of himself? Then offer to get out and exercise with him. Weight is a tricky topic for anyone. Instead of pointing it out or calling him fat, ease the blow by saying you’d love to start taking daily walks together, or try going vegetarian for a month or two.
  7. Figure out if your heart is trying to tell you something. It’s not normal to be straight-up repulsed by your boyfriend. He should always be someone whose company you enjoy. Suddenly losing your attraction to him may mean you’re ready to move on but just feel scared to take that step. If you’ve been together for a while, it’s even more frightening to enter the dating pool again. Just know that you shouldn’t waste time around someone you’re not that into anymore.
  8. Don’t feel like your decision is vain. Yes, looks fade and a strong personality is more important than what’s on the outside. But that’s also not a reason to stay with someone if you really don’t see them in a romantic context. If you’re not attracted to someone, it can gravely affect your sex life and the way you see them in your mind. You don’t want to turn your boyfriend into a live-in roommate.
  9. Remember, relationships require work from both sides. When you fall for someone, it’s important to do constant maintenance on your relationship if you want it to survive. That means that you should work on being the best partner that you can, and so should he. He should always try to be healthy since he knows you depend on him. And you should always be open with communication since being clear is the only way for problems like this to change.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.