Every single one of my relationships, no matter who it was with, was filled with drama and ended horribly. I used to blame my ex’s for my bad streak of relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I still do since a good handful of them truly sucked, but I’m starting to realize that they weren’t the only problem. Admittedly, I was at fault, too — here’s why:
- I Put Off Important Conversations. I avoided any type of conversation about the future. I never wanted to talk about the possibility of moving in together, marriage, or having babies. Instead, I pretended like there was no such thing as a future, and my boyfriends took that as a clear sign of me not seeing a future with them in it.
- I Always Expected The Worst. I never wanted to be blindsided, so I always anticipated the worst. That way, I couldn’t be shocked by a breakup or finding out I was being cheated on. Of course, this had a way of creating problems that weren’t there, though I couldn’t see it at the time.
- I’d Try To Make Them Jealous. Whenever I felt like I wasn’t getting enough attention, I’d try to make my partner jealous. Maybe I’d smile a little too hard at our waiter or Snapchat an old ex. I always thought it would make them step up their game and show me more attention, but it usually did the exact opposite. I always hated when guys did that to me, so it was way out of line, I realize now.
- I’d Expect Unrealistic Changes. I never purposely tried to change my boyfriends, but I always expected them to make certain changes. I thought maybe they’d wake up one morning and become different people who were more similar to the guys I actually wanted to be with. Clearly, that never worked out.
- I’d Bring Up Past Problems. Whenever we’d fight, I’d bring up things from the past. Maybe it was because I wasn’t really over things that had happened or maybe I just wanted to add fuel to the fire. Either way, it wasn’t a good move.
- I Never talked about how I felt. I’ve never been good at expressing to someone how much I care. I can go on and on about my feelings when I’m pissed off or angry. But, saying “I love you” is super intimidating for me, which is why I rarely did it in my relationships. None of my exes really knew how much I liked them because I didn’t say it.
- I Rarely Showed My Feelings. It’s hard for people to tell what I’m thinking and feeling. I’m a hard person to read. I knew this about myself, but I never did anything about it. I never went out of my way to show any of my boyfriends that I cared about them. I wasn’t expressing my feelings and I definitely wasn’t showing them.
- I Overanalyzed Everything. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my past boyfriends — I just wanted to be sure. That’s why I’d second guess and overanalyze everything they said and did. I don’t know what my problem was. For some reason, I felt better prepared for things when I’d over think them.
- I Made Too Many Comparisons. Not only would I compare my boyfriends to past boyfriends, I would also compare my relationships to other relationships. I’d look at how happy my friends were with their boyfriends and wonder why I wasn’t as happy as them. It never occurred to me that I was only seeing their relationships as an outsider.
- I’d Stop Putting In Effort. I’d stop dressing up, I’d stop sending cute text messages, and I’d stop making fun plans. Basically, I’d get complacent after a couples months in the relationship. And I’d forget to actually try.
- I’d Bring Things Up At The Wrong Times. Instead of waiting until we were in private, I’d bring up the fact that I was pissed off when we were out in public. Which would always lead to an unnecessary, yet volatile, public display of anger.
- I Rarely Brought Them Around My Family. I never wanted to introduce my boyfriends to my parents. In fact, it was rare for me to even bring them around my friends. I liked to keep my friends and family separate from my relationships. I guess I never took the time to really include my boyfriends in my life.
- I Was Never Honest With Myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I wanted in a relationship. I did — I just didn’t admit it to myself. I’d settle in certain situations and deal with things I knew deep down I didn’t want to deal with. It was all because I never sat down and had a conversation with myself about what I really wanted and didn’t want in a boyfriend, and more importantly, in a relationship.
