None Of My Relationships Lasted Because I Always Did These 13 Things

Every single one of my relationships, no matter who it was with, was filled with drama and ended horribly. I used to blame my ex’s for my bad streak of relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I still do since a good handful of them truly sucked, but I’m starting to realize that they weren’t the only problem. Admittedly, I was at fault, too — here’s why:

  1. I Put Off Important Conversations. I avoided any type of conversation about the future. I never wanted to talk about the possibility of moving in together, marriage, or having babies. Instead, I pretended like there was no such thing as a future, and my boyfriends took that as a clear sign of me not seeing a future with them in it.
  2. I Always Expected The Worst. I never wanted to be blindsided, so I always anticipated the worst. That way, I couldn’t be shocked by a breakup or finding out I was being cheated on. Of course, this had a way of creating problems that weren’t there, though I couldn’t see it at the time.
  3. I’d Try To Make Them Jealous. Whenever I felt like I wasn’t getting enough attention, I’d try to make my partner jealous. Maybe I’d smile a little too hard at our waiter or Snapchat an old ex. I always thought it would make them step up their game and show me more attention, but it usually did the exact opposite. I always hated when guys did that to me, so it was way out of line, I realize now.
  4. I’d Expect Unrealistic Changes. I never purposely tried to change my boyfriends, but I always expected them to make certain changes. I thought maybe they’d wake up one morning and become different people who were more similar to the guys I actually wanted to be with. Clearly, that never worked out.
  5. I’d Bring Up Past Problems. Whenever we’d fight, I’d bring up things from the past. Maybe it was because I wasn’t really over things that had happened or maybe I just wanted to add fuel to the fire. Either way, it wasn’t a good move.
  6. I Never talked about how I felt. I’ve never been good at expressing to someone how much I care. I can go on and on about my feelings when I’m pissed off or angry. But, saying “I love you” is super intimidating for me, which is why I rarely did it in my relationships. None of my exes really knew how much I liked them because I didn’t say it.
  7. I Rarely Showed My Feelings. It’s hard for people to tell what I’m thinking and feeling. I’m a hard person to read. I knew this about myself, but I never did anything about it. I never went out of my way to show any of my boyfriends that I cared about them. I wasn’t expressing my feelings and I definitely wasn’t showing them.
  8. I Overanalyzed Everything. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust my past boyfriends — I just wanted to be sure. That’s why I’d second guess and overanalyze everything they said and did. I don’t know what my problem was. For some reason, I felt better prepared for things when I’d over think them.
  9. I Made Too Many Comparisons. Not only would I compare my boyfriends to past boyfriends, I would also compare my relationships to other relationships. I’d look at how happy my friends were with their boyfriends and wonder why I wasn’t as happy as them. It never occurred to me that I was only seeing their relationships as an outsider.
  10. I’d Stop Putting In Effort. I’d stop dressing up, I’d stop sending cute text messages, and I’d stop making fun plans. Basically, I’d get complacent after a couples months in the relationship. And I’d forget to actually try.
  11. I’d Bring Things Up At The Wrong Times. Instead of waiting until we were in private, I’d bring up the fact that I was pissed off when we were out in public. Which would always lead to an unnecessary, yet volatile, public display of anger.
  12. I Rarely Brought Them Around My Family. I never wanted to introduce my boyfriends to my parents. In fact, it was rare for me to even bring them around my friends. I liked to keep my friends and family separate from my relationships. I guess I never took the time to really include my boyfriends in my life.
  13. I Was Never Honest With Myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I wanted in a relationship. I did — I just didn’t admit it to myself. I’d settle in certain situations and deal with things I knew deep down I didn’t want to deal with. It was all because I never sat down and had a conversation with myself about what I really wanted and didn’t want in a boyfriend, and more importantly, in a relationship.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.