Reminder: It’s Not Your Fault You Were Ghosted

Reminder: It’s Not Your Fault You Were Ghosted

When a guy you’re seeing suddenly disappears and you never hear from him again, it’s hard not to wonder what you did wrong. The reality is, you probably didn’t do anything. You could technically do everything right and follow every dating rule imaginable, and it still won’t stop him from ghosting you if that’s what he wants to do. In other words, it’s not your fault.

  1. It happens to everyone. Even before the the horrors of Tinder became the norm, people were disappearing into thin air — there just wasn’t a word for it. Everyone has been stood up, blown off and/or ignored in one way or another. You aren’t special — and for once, you can consider that a good thing.
  2. Think about the times you’ve ghosted someone. Yes, in a perfect world, we’d all just tell people we weren’t interested and ghosting would never have become the thing it is today. But that’s not the world we live in, so you might as well just admit it — you’ve ghosted someone. It probably wasn’t because of anything specific they did — you just weren’t feeling it, so you stopped responding.
  3. It was his choice to end it that way. Even if you did do something that turned him off, it’s not like his only option was to never speak to you again. He could have done the decent thing and let you down easy. It’s never easy to reject someone, but if you’re a reasonable person, telling you it wasn’t going to work shouldn’t have been that hard.
  4. Sometimes it’s easier to be ghosted, anyway. Depending on the situation, there are times when you’d rather a guy just fade off into the distance than call you up and tell you every reason why he doesn’t want to see you anymore. If you weren’t really that into him either, it’s for the best, so don’t obsess over it.
  5. This is just the new normal. Just like Instagram, online dating and emojis are commonplace, so is breaking up with someone by pretending they don’t exist. It’s not like he ghosted you for some particular reason that is unique to you, it’s just what everyone does now. Not saying it isn’t still infuriating, but it’s true.
  6. You’ll never know why anyway. Analyzing every little thing you did and every little thing he said will never get you closer to figuring out why he disappeared without a trace. The lack of closure isn’t easy at first, but time will go by and you’ll forget about him. You might as well just believe you didn’t do anything wrong, because unless you happen to run into him on the street, you’ll never be able to ask.
  7. There are plenty of reasons he might have done it that have nothing to do with you. Maybe he was really busy with work. Maybe an ex he still had feelings for came back into his life. Maybe he just wasn’t that interested in dating in general. Chances are the decision he made was a lot more about him than it was about you.
  8. You can’t control his feelings. If he wasn’t feeling it and just decided to fade away without saying anything, that’s his prerogative. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means you weren’t right for him. Even if you asked him why, he might not be able to give you an answer. Attraction can’t be explained.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo