If the World Doesn’t Know You’re Dating, Then You’re Not His Girlfriend

If the World Doesn’t Know You’re Dating, Then You’re Not His Girlfriend ©iStock/Jacob Ammentorp Lund

Your relationship might be private, but that doesn’t mean it should be non-existent to the public. Sneaking around might be hot for a while but at a certain point, it starts to feel more like hiding. A relationship isn’t real unless you share it with the world. If no one knows you’re dating, then you’re not even close to girlfriend status.

  1. Why are you hiding? What’s the real reasoning here? What do you have to hide? If you’re hiding an office romance to stay professional, that’s acceptable, but if he’s just not ready then what’s to hide? Just because you’re not ready for the commitment of a real relationship doesn’t mean you have to stay in the dark.
  2. Your relationship might only work in private. You don’t know if your relationship could stand up to the pressures of real life. Right now you only work one on one, but you can’t live your life sheltered from the rest of the world. You’ve made your relationship fragile because it’s never been exposed to outside factors. Eventually, you’ll have to let your friends and family in, and when you finally do, that fragile connection might just end.
  3. If he keeps you a secret, there’s a reason. You don’t have to be official to meet his friends. Is he ashamed of you, or is he hiding something from you too, like a wife or a girlfriend? If you have to be his dirty little secret, then you’re just another skeleton in his closet. Is he burying skeletons out there or is he burying you?
  4. On some level, you’re both ashamed. You both agreed to this, right? Why were you so willing to keep your love behind closed doors? Is he ashamed of you or ashamed of himself? Are you ashamed to love him, or are you worried you’re not worthy of his love? No matter what the reasoning, you’re not confident in the relationship — so how is it supposed to grow?
  5. You’ll always feel like you’re not good enough. At least, not good enough to be his real girlfriend. Real couples are together in private and in public. You’ve created your own world for just the two of you because you’re not good enough to be together in the real world. Your relationship isn’t real, and unless you step into the light, it never will be.
  6. Is this what you both want? Is this really what you wanted, or is this what he wanted and you just agreed to avoid losing him? It’s not fair to you. You deserve to be with a guy that feels lucky to be with you and wants show you off. You deserve more than a secret love affair. You deserve happiness and to be able to share that happiness with your friends, family and the rest of the world.
  7. If a girlfriend cries in the woods, does anyone hear her? If no one knows, then your relationship isn’t real — it’s a fantasy. It’s a daydream you keep playing in your head but never live out in real life, at least not in the real world. You think you’re keeping things private but really you’re just playing pretend.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.