Nowadays, the line between hooking up and dating is so ridiculously blurred that it’s impossible to distinguish between the two. Thankfully, there are some pretty easy ways to tell if he’s interested in more than just getting laid. Here are some signs he wants more than sex.
- He wants to introduce you to his friends. I promise you, no man will introduce you to his crew unless he’s head over heels for you. Guys don’t get excited about girls as quickly as we do, so presenting you to his bros is a big deal. This is a way for him to show you off a bit, plus make sure that his friends approve of his choice. He definitely wants more than just late-night sex.
- He runs big decisions by you. He obviously respects your opinion and values it highly. You don’t go asking your one-night stand from Tinder if you should quit your job to work on your photography or not. If he asks for your opinion on an important matter, he sees you as more than just a hot bod. To him, you’re an equal. He seeks your approval, which means he sees you in his life long-term.
- You hang out sober. Most people I know, myself included, would never hang out sober with a hookup buddy. I mean, what’s the point? Alcohol serves as the missing spark between your sexual attraction and forgetting the fact that there’s nothing else you have in common. Spending time sober only happens between people who genuinely like each other. Hanging out in broad daylight is another unequivocal sign that he wants something more than sex. Hold on to that guy, because you’re worth more than a hookup.
- He’s okay with just snuggling. A guy who only wants you for sex will NEVER just snuggle. That defeats the purpose of your whole agreement. If he holds you and strokes your hair while watching Netflix, he’s definitely got a crush on you.
- He listens to you. If he didn’t want something more than sex, he’d just zone out while you speak. Listening intently means he cares about the things you say. He wants to remember what you tell him so he can bring it up in the future — yeah, the future he sees with you.
- He knows what your favorite food is. Because he doesn’t kick you out right after sex. If he can tell exactly which toppings you like on your pizza, that boy wants more than just whatever’s going on in the bedroom. Eating together means you enjoy each other’s time and is definitely relationship material.
- He knows details about your past. I don’t mean this in a stalker kind of way. If he remembers the story of how you broke your arm as a kid, he likes you. He wants to be a part of your life and make memories with you. This is definitely more than sex to him.
- He always asks you out on the weekend. This is one of the biggest signs he wants more than sex. We all know that the weekend is the best time to hook up with strangers. Everyone’s relaxing after a long week at work and having one too many drinks. If he asks you out on the weekend, that’s because he doesn’t want to be with anyone else. It’s also because he wants to make sure you don’t go with some other guy.
- He gives you meaningful compliments. Not the “baby, you’re so hot” kind of thing. If he’s specific about things he likes in you and they go beyond your looks, he wants more than sex. Such compliments may include, “I love how caring you are” or, “I’ve never met anyone who can eat pancakes as quickly as you do. That’s absolutely adorable.”
- He believes in your work. If he encourages you in your career and tells you that you’re extremely capable, he’s definitely not after you just for sex. If he was, he wouldn’t care about what you do at all. Telling you to go for that promotion or start your own business indicates that he admires and likes you.
- He’s not afraid to show vulnerability in front of you. Most guys try to be all macho in front of girls, especially if they’re just hookup buddies. If he shares his fears and thoughts with you, he’s letting his guard down. Guys only let their guard down in front of girls they want more than sex with. He’s perfectly comfortable with staying over, too, instead of going to his own bed after hooking up.
- He asks you to go on a vacation together. No one in their right mind would invite a hookup buddy on a vacation. Think about it — when we travel, we meet a ton of new, sexy people. Bringing someone pretty much means that we are tied to them. Might as well handcuff yourself to that person, because it would be incredibly awkward to hook up with someone else. If he asks you to join his vacation, he definitely only wants you and it’s for more than just sex.
How to make a guy want more from you than sex
If you’re only looking for a casual hookup, that’s fine, but if you’re in search of a deep and meaningful relationship, a roll in the hay isn’t going to cut it. Here are some ways to make sure his interest in you is more than skin-deep.
- Present him with a challenge… but not right away. While playing hard to get might seem like a childish game not worth playing, men do actually like a little bit of pushback. However, it’s important to be interested and approachable at first. “Make it easy for them, open up your body, make eye contact, and give them the clear signal that it’s cool to break the ice. Once the ice is broken, now you can tease him, test him and make him work for it…just the way he likes it,” advises dating expert and author Adam LoDolce.
- Be fun, excitable, and open to adventure. No one wants to be with a boring partner. You wouldn’t want to be involved with someone that you dreaded spending time with, so why would he? No matter how attractive you are, if you’re not fun to be with outside the bedroom, he’s not going to want more than sex from you.
- Don’t rush things – try to go with the flow. You might be anxious to nail things down and make him your boyfriend, but you don’t want to put pressure on him to lock things down right away just because you’re sleeping together. Sexologist and relationships expert Shan Boodram points out that the pandemic gave rise to the trend of “slow dating” in which people really take time to make sure the person they’re dating is the right fit for them. Try and use this in-between time to answer that question for yourself.
- Don’t make sex the center of your relationship. If you want him to see you as a potential girlfriend and someone with whom he could share more than just a roll in the hay, you have to spend just as much time with him outside the bedroom as you do inside it. Plans fun things for the two of you to do like date nights, fun days out, and other potential bonding experiences that illustrate your all-around chemistry.
- Maintain your own life. It might sound counterintuitive to say that you can get a guy to want you more by spending less time with him and more time doing your own thing, but it’s totally true. Guys often want what they can’t have or what they think they might lose if they’re not on their A-game. By living your amazing life and not stressing about him, you’ll automatically become way more appealing to him. He’ll realize that you don’t need him, so he’ll want to go the extra mile to make you want him. That’s not a bad position to be in.