It’s Not You, It’s Him: 10 Signs You’re Dating A Total Loser

Let’s face facts: some people are just irredeemable jerks. They’re selfish and treat other people like crap, and they’re not even sorry about it.  If you’re in the dating scene, you’ve most likely run into a guy who fits this bill, and it’s in your best interest to avoid getting into a relationship or even talking to him at all. Not sure whether the guy you’re dating is a complete jerk? Check out these signs.

  1. He refuses to accept responsibility for wrongdoings. This is a sign that the guy is going to shift the blame on you, even when he’s at fault. It may not happen on the first date, but if you go on a second or third, you can bet it will happen eventually. This isn’t a redeeming quality, and it’s a clear red flag that needs to be addressed. Either way, if he can’t accept his own wrongdoing, it’s best to part ways.
  2. He’s quick to point out flaws. Whether it’s a pickup artist who doesn’t understand that negging doesn’t work or just a really insecure jerk doesn’t matter. What does matter is that jerks who do this don’t care whether they hurt your feelings, as long as they build themselves up.
  3. You get the feeling that he’ll say anything to keep you around, and notice he regularly contradicts himself. This sign is one that is very subtle, but it’s a doozy. It’s a sign of manipulation, particularly in the form of guilt trips. When a guy doesn’t actually want to confront anything that could lead to losing you, it’s almost certain that he’s going to end up bringing up all the things he’s “sacrificed” to be with you. Really, do you want to deal with a guy who manipulates and guilt trips a girl?
  4. He makes it clear that he’s testing your limits. He’s testing the waters to see how much garbage you’ll put up with. Do the right thing! Toss out the garbage (in this case, the man), and continue with a nice life.
  5. So far, he’s put zero effort into making you happy. You can most frequently spot this with dating logistics. If he’s fine with blowing you off, trying to get you to drive way out of your way for a date, or if he has no problem telling you that you need to be on his schedule for it to work, he’s a jerk. This is a guy who doesn’t care about anyone but himself, simply because he doesn’t even try to meet you halfway on anything. Don’t expect this level of self-centeredness to change.
  6. You get the distinct feeling that he’s using you. If he keeps saying he can’t pay for dates that he wants to go on, he keeps asking you for favors, or he’s already pressuring you to let him move in, he’s a user. Much like issue #5, this is a sign that you’ll never be much more than a tool to better his life.
  7. He’s already trying to control you. If you’re on a first date and he’s already telling you how to cut your hair, run. It’s only gonna go downhill from there. Jerks of this flavor are looking for a plastic doll, not a person with feelings.
  8. He uses alcohol/past trauma/etc. as an excuse for his behavior. Having a crappy past doesn’t mean you can take it out on innocent people. Don’t fall for this ploy. If a guy does this, he’s living #jerklife 24/7, and that is not going to change.
  9. All of his exes have been called “nuts” or “abusive.” Though there’s the off chance that he may actually have had a certified chaotic person as an ex, most of the time, guys who say this are either playing the victim or trying to discredit their exes. If a guy actively discredits any of the girls he’s been with, that’s a sign that he was the real problem in the relationship — not the girls.
  10. He says that you’re “nuts” when you call him out on something. See point #9. If he’s doing this, it’s most likely not you, it’s him.
Ossiana Tepfenhart works as an editor to FunNewJersey's magazine, and has been working with a massive series of lifestyle sites including Woman Around Town and