18 Signs You’re Just Not Compatible

18 Signs You’re Just Not Compatible ©iStock/fotostorm

Every time you go on a date, you hope that this time, you’ve finally met your person. However, no matter how much you want it to be the last first date you go on, you can’t force compatibility. Here are some signs he’s not the one and it might be time to get a move on to meet someone that you’ve got more in common with if you want it to work in the long run.

  1. You want to want him. He’s like the perfect guy, a respectful dentist that looks like an underwear model. But for some reason, you’re spending more time trying to convince yourself about how great he is than actually feeling the spark. This is one of the biggest signs you’re not compatible. If it was real, you wouldn’t have to force feelings.
  2. Your morals and beliefs are too different. Different is good; we want to be exposed to new things and new ways to live in the world. Unless he’s racist, misogynistic, or super conservative when you’re more liberal — these things are non-negotiables. If you’re just not on the same page about the big things, these are major signs that you’re not compatible and you won’t last long term.
  3. Kissing him doesn’t turn you on. Something’s got to heat up the oven, right? Those first few months of dating someone are the hottest, most exciting ones. Kissing you should be so intense that you want to jump his bones. If you feel nothing instead, that tells you all you need to know.
  4. He doesn’t get you. You frequently see that look pass over his face that’s almost an eye roll but not quite. He sometimes stares blankly when you’re talking like what you’re saying just isn’t going in or he doesn’t understand where you’re coming from. If you’re that “out there” for him, it’ll never work.
  5. You could do without him. This isn’t just one of the most obvious signs you’re not compatible but it’s a sign that you don’t even like him all that much. If “out of sight, out of mind” is starting to make a lot of sense to you, it might be because he’s not your best fit. You should never need a guy, of course, but if you don’t even want him, that’s a problem.
  6. You’re outgrowing him. When you met, it seemed like you guys were on the same page but then you kept changing and he hasn’t. You want to keep evolving and growing throughout your life, so if that’s not happening, don’t stay and be held back.
  7. Sex is meh. We all have our off days, but it’s not great when it’s consistently not doing it for you. Sex is supposed to be fun. If you dread being intimate with him, that’s one of the most direct signs you’re not compatible in the bedroom (and possibly without) and you should end things.
  8. You don’t feel like yourself around him. Normally, you’re the life of the party, cracking jokes left and right, but some reason with him, that side of you feels a little stifled. It’s like you’re not 100% yourself around him and you can’t put a finger on why. Could it be that if you were yourself completely, you know it wouldn’t work?
  9. The sex is great, but that’s about it. The rest of the time is full of either arguing or awkward silences. It’s not just bad sex that serves as a sign of incompatibility. You can still be a bad match even if you get on like a house on fire in the bedroom. A relationship can’t survive, let alone thrive, on sex alone.
  10. You resent each other. A little resentment can come and go with normal fights and miscommunications in relationships, but if one or both of you inherently resent the other, you’re walking on broken ground.
  11. You think about other guys when you’re with him. Talk about major signs you’re not compatible! If you can’t keep other guys out of your head when you’re with him, what’s that telling you? And we’re not just talking about your average fantasy sequence here either. If you’re having full-blown daydreams about what it would be like to be with someone else, time to call it quits.
  12. He grosses you out. Researchers have found that when women are turned on, the grosser stuff that happens during sex ceases to gross us out. If you kinda want to gag any time you get intimate, that’s a major yikes. It’s no better if you kinda want to throw up in your mouth whenever he eats or when he comes in sweaty from the gym.
  13. He has let you down a lot. More than you would admit to your friends because you know they would tell you get out ASAP.  This is another one of those signs not only that you’re not compatible but that he’s obviously not in a good place to be in a relationship at all.
  14. You don’t tell him stuff because you know he doesn’t care. The thing is, he’s supposed to care. Like how your best friend is just as interested in the salad you had for lunch as your work promotion. You want someone who’s actually interested in you and your life. Without that, there’s nothing there.
  15. You guys don’t do stuff that you enjoy. You would love to go out to dinner or do more couple stuff, but he just never seems up for it. His hobbies and interests are the polar opposite of yours, which is yet another of those obvious signs you’re not compatible. You don’t need to have everything in common, but you do need a few things to share.
  16. You guys only text and never talk on the phone. Because when you talk on the phone, there just isn’t that much to talk about. There’s something to be said for comfortable silences, but if the conversation is basically null and void, that’s pretty dire.
  17. He’s critical about your looks. Oh, hell no. Anyone who doesn’t feel lucky to be with you isn’t just isn’t on your page. This isn’t so much about a lack of compatibility as it is about him being a total d*ck.
  18. He just doesn’t exactly make you happy. For the amount of time and energy we spend on all of our relationships, they should be adding something good to our life in return. Get out now.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com