Everything is rosy and perfect in the beginning of a new relationship, but things eventually settle down into more comfortable, familiar, and sometimes kinda boring territory. If you’re suddenly feeling disillusioned with your relationship and your partner, it could be because your expectations are way too high.
- You expect them to do the right thing every time. You have an idea of how your partner should conduct themselves in every possible scenario, and that’s an idea formed by how you think you’d handle the situation if you were in their shoes. But that’s the problem—they aren’t you! This not only sets unfair pressure on them to perform the way you want them to.
- You expect them to be romantic. The longer you’re together, the less romantic your partner seems to get. No more impromptu dinner dates or roses on the counter when you get home from work. It’s because you’re getting to know the real them—someone who really likes staying in most of the week instead of going on roller coaster dates. Instead of worrying about how they’ve changed, realize that it might just be another side of them you’re getting to know. If you need more romance to get things going, communicate that.
- You expect them to understand. If I try to push you away, sometimes I want you to fight for me harder. If I tell you to leave me alone, please don’t. You know this is illogical, but you still do it sometimes, secretly wishing that they’d come to see you even when you told them not to. Some partners know this game and know how to respond but most people really don’t (and shouldn’t have to). Maybe it’s time to communicate what you really want instead of playing this confusing game.
- You expect them to forgive you. Sometimes you have emotional outbursts, sometimes they do. How many times have you felt like you deserved to be cut some more slack for your mistakes yet found yourself unable to offer your partner the same forgiveness when they do something wrong? For some reason, we sometimes expect our partners to let go of our mistakes while we hold onto their screw-ups with immense bitterness.
- You expect them to be grateful. A lot of us might feel like we’ve improved our partners. That, in some way shape or form, we’ve helped them become better people. Maybe they got a job opportunity thanks to your support or have become more confident with you as their cheerleader. You might expect them to feel like you’re responsible for their progress and that they should acknowledge all you’ve done for them, but that’s narcissistic BS and you need to let it go.
- You expect them to love the same way you do. We all show love in different ways. Some show it more than others. For those that love passionately, it may be painful to get a partner who’s not as emotionally expressive as you are. However, we must all remember that at the end of the day, we’re unique individuals. How we choose to express our love for another can differ, but this definitely doesn’t mean your partner loves you any less than you love them!
- You expect them to put your feelings above theirs. Often in decision-making, you wish your partner would stand in your shoes so they knew how you feel about a situation. Everything becomes about you—your pain, your hurt, and your feelings. While it’s important that your partner is considerate of you, it’s not their responsibility to sacrifice their own happiness to ensure yours. If you’re that much on different pages, perhaps this isn’t the right relationship for you.
- You expect to be their number one priority. When a new relationship starts, it’s common to put each other at the center of your universe but as time goes on, you may start to feel like you’re not a priority when real life creeps back in. That’s because it’s not about the chase anymore but about the partnership. They might put family and friends above you at times and it might hurt but it’s necessary. You should never expect or want to be one another’s entire lives. The sooner you realize and accept that there’s more to life than each other, the better your relationship will get.