Your One-Word Texts Aren’t Mysterious; They’re Obnoxious

Of all the horrendous texting methods guys use when they start talking to a woman, one of the most annoying ones is the “one-word wonder.” You’ve seen it before: You write out an actual complete thought — you know, like a normal human being — and in response, you get a “Nice” or a “ha.” You’re a little bummed out and confused because the conversation had been going great up until that moment, but now it seems like he’s not into it. But when you don’t reply, HE wonders why you stopped talking to him. What gives? Gentlemen, you may think that your itty bitty replies are a crafty way to play the role of the brooding mystery man, but this is why I’ll never put up with that crap:

It makes me think you hate me.

Nothing makes a person sound more irritated than when they respond to a paragraph-long text with, “Cool.” Maybe it’s because I actually do this as a way to make people who have pissed me off know that they’ve pissed me off, but I automatically assume that I’m in trouble if someone responds to my thoughtful texts with single words.

It’s rude.

What kind of knuckle-dragger thinks it’s okay to respond to someone’s well-thought-out message with a single word? You would never do this in a face-to-face conversation if you actually wanted the other person to like you, so don’t do it online, either. If you keep responding to my messages with solitary words, I will end things with you faster than you can type, “K.”

I shouldn’t be putting in all the effort.

Yeah, conversations can involve a lot of thinking and typing. I still enjoy doing it if I like the person I’m talking with, but you’d better believe I expect him to be giving the same amount of effort as me. I’m not going to be so lazy that I can’t be bothered to type out a complete sentence, and you shouldn’t be either.

I’ll assume you want to end the conversation.

Probably 99 percent of the time I send a one-word reply, it’s because I want to be done talking. So if you do the same to me, I have no choice but to assume you don’t want me to say anything else. I can take a hint, so I’m not going to try to force the conversation to continue if you’re acting like you don’t want it to. If that’s not your goal, you’d better give me at least two words to work with.

I don’t play these games.

I feel bad for you if you think that you can manipulate me into wanting you more by teasing me with your short-ass replies. I have no problem doing a bit of pursuing when it comes to guys, but I’ll never be caught doing it over text. If you think you’re being an emotionally unavailable (but oh-so mysterious) tease by pulling this BS, it’s not working and it never will. I’m not going to keep texting you just for the sake of texting you. I have exactly zero problems with letting you sit there in silence until you come up with a better response than “lol.”

I refuse to date someone who can’t carry a conversation.

I don’t talk at people, and I don’t enjoy being talked at. A conversation is supposed to be a two-way street. It’s Human Interaction 101. I get that some people are socially awkward, but if you can’t even master the basics of chatting with another human being, I wish you luck in finding someone else who will respond to your crappy messaging habits better than I will.

I feel like an idiot responding to one-word messages.

My policy of treating others the way I want to be treated extends to my texting habits. I use short messages to communicate that I’m done talking for now, and I get seriously irritated when the person on the receiving end don’t get the hint. So when my complete sentence gets a simple “Great” in return, I’m not going to let myself be that person who keeps trying to talk to someone who doesn’t seem like they want to talk to me anymore.

I don’t talk to people who don’t talk to me.

It’s just not worth it. There are plenty of people I know who value me enough to carry on a conversation with me, so why would I settle for one-sided chats with someone who doesn’t seem to care whether or not I reply? If you want to pull this little stunt, that’s cool, but don’t expect me to be hitting you up anytime soon.

I’m worth at least two words.

In fact, some people even think I’m worth THREE words. The truly special people in my life sometimes value me enough to write out entire paragraphs and send them right to my inbox. So tell me, Mr. “Haha”, why I should continue dealing with your crappy texting methods when there are guys out there who would gladly take the time to write out complete thoughts and send them to me. Actually, don’t— I already know it’s not going to be any longer than “IDK.”

I’m anything but desperate.

Maybe there are women out there who will fall for this crap and play into your little game, but I’m not one of them. I’ve dealt with this nonsense a few too many times, and at this point, you either think I’m worth ACTUALLY talking to, or you don’t. I’m not going to fulfill your juvenile desire to have someone practically beg for your attention. In fact, you might just find that you’re the desperate one when your lazy messages receive nothing but “Seen: 2:36 PM” in response.

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