Here’s How You Know You’re Only Dating Each Other Because You’re Bored

We’ve all been there—in that moment when we know deep down that the relationship is going nowhere. We end up breaking up, feeling single and alone and looking for another relationship. When we jump the gun again, we set ourselves up for another kill time relationship. Look out for these signs that you’re about to dive into another drag of a relationship:

  1. You don’t even think he’s cute. He’s not the swipe right kinda guy for you, but he sends you some flirty message, so you go for it. When someone asks about him, you never pull out your phone to show off his picture. Honestly, you don’t even have a saved picture of him. If he’s cute, you flaunt him. You don’t have to dig through Insta or Facebook to find a “decent” picture of him. It’s that simple.
  2. You talk to him because you’re lonely. Maybe you’re the only one in your friend group who’s still single or maybe you’ve been to too many weddings lately. It’s no secret that everyone around you is putting pressure on you to find someone, so you solve the problem by taking whatever guy looks your way. Your relationship shouldn’t be controlled by other people; that’s not their call.
  3. You’ve probably been bored for a while. GNOs are getting old, but you’re tired of Netflixing on your own, too. So what do you do? You find yourself the closest man around because nobody wants to be that person who has nothing to do on a Friday night.
  4. He’s not really what you’re looking for. You want an educated guy with some sorta degree who loves talking about books and poetry, but you’re with a guy who misspells all of his social media posts. Or you want a guy who’s into traveling, but you’re with a man who won’t foot the gas to eat at your favorite big city restaurant. He’s not actually the person you want to spend your life with; he’s just kinda there for now because no one else is.
  5. All you really want is to make some other guy jealous. Is your ex still in the back of your mind? Does the idea of him seeing you “happy” give you some sorta revengeful satisfaction? If so, you’re probably with this guy just as a “Ha, I’m not single and miserable without you” deal. (P.S. Your ex isn’t worth you wasting your time.)
  6. He has some pocket change or connections you need. Maybe you need a sugar daddy to foot your last semester’s tuition. Or maybe he’s good friends with your boss—the same boss who could potentially give you a promotion. If the relationship is centered around you getting ahead in your career, he’s on the back burner. Don’t use him, though. Nobody likes feeling used.
  7. Your conversations never center on the two of you. Whether you’re texting, DMing or talking over a lunch date, the conversations are never about the two of you. He rambles about some big fishing trip he has coming up. You rant about that discount you should’ve gotten at GAP. Neither of you discusses one another… especially not your potential future together (or lack thereof). It’s simple science: ladies are usually the talkers, so if he never shows up in a convo, he’s not important.
  8. Date nights are strictly physical. You don’t have anything in common; you don’t actually enjoy each other’s company. Instead, you just kill time by making out. Once that’s over, what little attraction was there initially is now gone. That’s a major bummer if you’re looking for an actual relationship that has some sorta substantial meaning.
  9. You don’t even know his mom’s name. When a relationship is going somewhere, the guy wants you to meet his family- especially his mother. This is a big deal. It means he wants his family to give you the thumbs-up because he hopes you can share their last name one day. But if you don’t even know how many siblings he has or where he grew up, then he probably doesn’t see this going anywhere. In fact, he probably doesn’t care if it goes anywhere. You might just be his kill time, too.
  10. Or who he is as a person. You talk to him but not with him. You spend time near him but not with him. All of a sudden, it’s been six months and you still have no idea who he even is. Patience is an important quality to you, but you’re never with him enough to watch that patience play out. You want someone who loves animals, but no one cares enough to get creative and go on a fun safari date. At this point, you’d rather be bored and single than bored and stuck to a kill time you don’t really know.
Peyton Garland is a boy mama and Tennessee farmer who loves sharing her heart on OCD, postpartum life, and hope in the messy places.