Opinion: Guys Who Are Overly Nice Make Bad Boyfriends

Unless you’re a woman, it’s hard to explain why niceness alone isn’t enough to make us want a relationship with a guy. Obviously you don’t want to be with an loser, but there is such a thing as guys who are too nice, and we tend to avoid them like the plague — here’s why:

  1. We’re legitimately worried that they’re being sweet for an ulterior reason. You’ve probably come across guys who’ve been super nice so they could get laid, only to turn into total jerks after they got what they wanted. Being too nice always comes off as insincere, especially if a guy is interested in you. When it becomes apparent that he isn’t getting what he wants, he’ll usually lash out in anger. Super nice guys often are super nice because they think you’ll sleep with them because of it. When they realize it’s not working, they turn into angry, bitter jackasses.
  2. We don’t want to deal with being the girl who “ruined him.” Ever notice how many of those sweet guys were seriously hurt by another girl in the past? Ever notice how many of those guys can’t seem to get over what she did until years afterwards? Even if the guy wouldn’t flip out, going into a relationship with a super nice guy is a risk to most girls. We just don’t want to be the girl who he cries over for the next 10 years.
  3. They generally aren’t very assertive. This is a generalization, but nine times out of 10, it’s true. Guys who are too nice tend to be terrified of being assertive, or even of confronting problems. This can lead to major problems that go unsolved for years. Worse, these guys tend to bottle things up until they explode. Not cool!
  4. Truthfully, being a doormat isn’t sexy. They’re scared that the slightest negativity will end up pissing us off, but most women want a partner who’s unafraid to disagree or to take the lead. Sometimes we want a challenge. This leads to us viewing super sweet guys as major turnoffs.
  5. That doormat behavior translates into the bedroom, too. Some girls really dig gentle lovemaking. The problem is that guys who are too sweet aren’t willing to do anything but gentle romantic stuff… and that gets very boring, very quickly.
  6. They tend to get passive aggressive when upset/pissed off. Nothing is more infuriating and mojo-killing than a guy who’s scared to be upfront about his real feelings, but has no issue with passive aggressive comments, whining, and moaning. It’s pathetic. This behavior also ruins relationships really quickly, and can even be considered abusive. It’s not nice behavior that is often perpetrated by guys who were scarily nice when they’re happy with us. In other words, it’s a dealbreaker quality.
  7. Breaking up with them is always awkward. Your parents try to convince you to go back to him, and they’ll look at you all disappointed when you tell them no. Friends will question your decision. You’ll find yourself justifying yourself to everyone you meet. It’s a nightmare you don’t want to live through more than once, seriously.
  8. You can’t come out of a breakup looking like a good person if you’re dating a guy who’s too nice. The death stares some people will give you are terrible and all too real. It can actually wreck your reputation, and it seriously sucks.
  9. Reality and rom-coms are different, and these guys tend to forget that. Most gestures and tactics used in romantic comedies don’t work well in real life. Guys that are too nice often bank on the romantic comedy tactic of a girl finding out that Mr. Right was the nice guy next to her all along. It’s not fun to have to explain to guys that attraction matters.
  10. There’s a huge spectrum of nice, and it ranges from psychotic jerks to guys who take “nice” too far.  Men don’t seem to understand this. We want a guy who’s nice, but assertive. We want a little bit of a challenge, but at the same time, we’re often insulted for this preference. Is it really that bad a thing?
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.