Opinion: It’s Not Cheating If He Watches Porn Without You

Opinion: It’s Not Cheating If He Watches Porn Without You ©iStock/franckreporter

While pretty much all of us have watched sex online at some point or another, many women still believe that if her boyfriend watches sex online without her, he’s engaging in a weird form of cheating. That’s ridiculous—here’s why it’s really no big deal:

  1. Sex isn’t all about you. You might think that being in a relationship means the only time your partner should think about sex is when you’re in the room but that’s crazy. He’s still going to be masturbating sometimes when you’re not around and you’ll probably do the same thing. If he masturbates while watching sex online, it’s not a big deal.
  2. It’s just like any other activity. The guy’s not running around hitting on other women—he’s just watching sex! It’s actually much like, watching sex online alternative you might indulge in after a long day at work. So what?
  3. It’s just a fantasy. Online sex isn’t real and it just lets him enjoy a fantasy that’s playing out in front of him. How is it different from when you fantasize about sleeping with a hot actor you’ve been perving over in a movie?
  4. The women aren’t real. You might feel watching sex is like cheating because your boyfriend’s getting turned on by other women, but they’re on a screen and they’re not real. It’s not the same thing as if he had to be chatting or flirting with real women online or in person.
  5. Watching sex online doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. That would be like saying that if he doesn’t watch sex on the internet, he won’t go out and cheat, which is total BS. A guy who wants to cheat isn’t going to wait for a collection of sex to inspire him to go out and do it. He’ll do it anyway!
  6. He does it with you present. He doesn’t watch sex online alone all the time—sometimes he watches it with you. It’s not like he’s watching sex behind your back and wouldn’t do it with you in the room—that would be concerning. If he’s not hiding anything, why hold it against him?
  7. It could be a good thing in your relationship. Not the sex itself, but the communication around it. If he can be open with you about his love of sex online and you can communicate with each other about it, it can make you grow closer. In addition, talking about the sex he likes could open up a conversation about your sexual desires, which will help you both stay sexually satisfied.
  8. It just helps him to climax, period. Watching sex online is really not some mysterious thing you should feel threatened by. It’s like using a vibrator or erotic movie to help you get into the mood. Self-pleasure doesn’t have to be anything bad—it’s healthy! Besides, if he knows how to get himself off, he’ll become a better lover.
  9. He doesn’t want those women. If you’re insecure about online sex, just remember that he knows the women in online sex aren’t real. He’s probably just interested in online sex because of how the sex looks, not the women specifically.
  10. It’s only a problem if it gets out of hand. There are times when watching online sex can cause relationship problems, but that’s a different story. For instance, if it’s getting in the way of your sex life, like if he’s so interested in watching sex that he chooses it over having sex with you. Another example is if he’s obsessed with sex online and it’s starting to get in the way of your relationship.
  11. Everyone has fantasies. Before you give him a hard time for his online sex fantasies, consider this UK study: 42 percent of men and 46 percent of women think about someone other than their partners during sex. Fantasizing about that cute guy at work or your ex is probably more harmful than if your partner’s thinking about the sex he watched online earlier.
  12. It’s no reflection on your relationship. You might think that if a guy watches and enjoys sex online regularly, he’s compensating for something that’s lacking in his sex life or relationship. But that’s BS! A guy could be happily married and still like to watch internet sex. It has nothing to do with how he feels about his wife. A Canadian study found that both men who are single and those in relationships watch sex, and it hasn’t changed the participants’ perception of women or their relationships. In fact, the men in relationships were still focused on having happy and satisfying relationships with their partners in spite of liking online sex.
  13. He’s not fantasizing about cheating on you. When he’s watching sex, he’s highly unlikely to be fantasizing about a relationship or emotional connection with another woman. Guys keep it simple—it’s purely sex to them. It’s not like they’re dreaming of getting into a relationship with that erotic star. In fact, chances are if they did meet her in real life, she wouldn’t be all that interesting.
  14. He might actually be less likely to cheat if he watches sex online. Here’s a study to debunk your fears that watching sex online will make your boyfriend cheat. IllicitEncounters.com (which is all an adultery website) surveyed 1,400 men and found that men who don’t cheat behind their wives’ backs watch more sex online than men who do!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.