We all want the best for our kids.
However, sometimes our good intentions can totally backfire. As Healthline points out (and you probably already know), there’s no perfect way to parent, but some of our well-meaning habits can actually create a sense of entitlement in our kids. Yikes! They might start thinking they deserve special treatment or find it impossible to handle disappointment. Let’s look at some common mistakes and how to change things up for the better.
1. “My kid doesn’t deserve to struggle.”
Okay, protecting our kids from pain is like our number one parent instinct, but if we always save them, they’ll never learn. Think of it this way: let them try, sometimes fail, and figure out that they can get back up again. Struggling builds problem-solving skills and helps them realize they’re stronger than they think! Imagine how proud they’ll be after finally mastering that bike without training wheels after falling a few times, or finally figuring out that tricky homework problem.
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2. “It’s okay, everyone gets a prize.”
Competition is a motivator, and those participation trophies actually cheapen real victories. Instead, celebrate their effort and those times they’ve improved. “Maybe you didn’t win this time, but wow, you practiced so hard! Let’s get even faster for next time!” This way, they learn that hard work and improvement is way cooler than just getting a handout.
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3. “But they’ll be upset if I say no!”
It’s normal for kids to get upset when they don’t get their way. But setting limits actually teaches them way more than just giving in. How about explaining why you’re saying no? Like, “No more cookies right before dinner, but we can totally bake some together afterward!” This teaches them to handle their emotions and find other solutions instead of getting stuck on just one idea.
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4. “If they want it, they should have it.”
Hold up! Spoiling our little ones makes them think they deserve stuff just like that. Delaying things is good! Let them earn what they want with chores, good grades, or whatever makes sense. “That video game looks amazing! How about we make a plan? You do extra chores this week and let’s see how much closer you get to buying it.” This way, they learn how to work towards what they want and feel even prouder when they finally get it themselves.
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5. “My child is special, the rules don’t apply.”
Treating your kid like they’re better than everyone else is a bad habit! Everyone needs to follow the same basic house rules. Obviously, adjust things for their age, but being respectful, responsible, and kind should apply to the whole family. Try thinking of it like this: “We all chip in to clean after dinner because it’s not fair if someone gets to skip out, right?” That way they get the fairness thing and learn how to be a team player, not a diva.
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6. “I’ll fight their battles for them.”
Stepping in to resolve every little fight actually hurts them more in the long run! Guide them instead of swooping in. Ask about what happened and offer some possible ways to handle it themselves. “Uh oh, looks like you and Sarah are having a disagreement. Tell me what’s going on.” This way, they learn how to problem-solve and stick up for themselves when it matters.
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7. “Their happiness is my top priority.”
Wanting our kids to be happy is totally normal, but we have to remember: life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, and frustrated! Helping them understand their feelings is so much healthier than always trying to make things instantly perfect. “Feeling sad about not making the soccer team is okay. Want to talk about how to practice more for next year, or maybe try a different sport?” This shows them that setbacks happen, but they have the power to bounce back even stronger.
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8. “My parents did this, and I turned out fine.”
We’re always learning new things, especially when it comes to parenting! Don’t be afraid to try new things based on what experts recommend these days. Raising awesome kids is a lifelong learning journey, so try reading blogs, articles, or talking to a pro to get the best strategies. “I learned a lot from my parents, but hey, there’s always new info out there! Let’s look up some advice on how to handle those big emotions.”
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9. “They work so hard, they should never have chores.”
Chores aren’t punishment, they’re about being part of the team! Start them young, make it age-appropriate, and maybe even make it fun. “You played hard today and learning is tiring, I get it. But we all have our jobs, right? How about we put on your favorite music and clean up together?” This teaches them responsibility and that everyone in the family contributes.
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10. “It’s never the right time to have a difficult conversation.”
Tough talks don’t go away on their own. We have to guide our kids through the hard stuff instead of hiding it from them. Be honest (in a way they understand, obviously), and you’ll build major trust. “Okay, I know that bad grade stinks, but let’s look at where you struggled so we can work on it for next time.” This way, they learn how to own up to problems and face them with a plan.
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11. “They’re still young, they’ll grow out of it.”
Nope! Waiting around for our kids to outgrow bad behaviors just makes those habits stronger. Step in early! Even if they’re little, you can teach them better ways to act. “It’s not okay to hit me when you’re angry. Let’s take some deep breaths and use your words to let me know what’s bothering you.” This sets the tone for how you expect them to behave from the start.
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12. “I just don’t want them to experience what I did as a child.”
This one is tricky. Wanting to protect your kids from your own not-so-great experiences is natural! But sometimes we can swing too far the other way. Find the balance. Maybe talk to another mom, a therapist, or check out some parenting books. “I want you to feel safe, but also have the freedom to grow. Let’s figure out some rules that work for both of us!” This shows them you care about their well-being but also support them as they become their own person.
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13. “I’m too busy to be consistent.”
Consistency is key for kids, as it provides them with limits and boundaries, Verywell Family points out. Even small routines make a huge difference in how safe and secure they feel. If being perfectly consistent everywhere is tough, choose just a few things to focus on. “Every night, it’s family dinner, bath, and storytime before bed.” Kids thrive on this kind of predictability.
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14. “It’s better to give in than to deal with the tantrum.”
Giving in might feel easier right now, but in the long run, it’s a recipe for disaster! Weathering those meltdowns actually teaches them that those outbursts don’t work. It’s tough, but calmly remove them (if you can) and let them know that behavior won’t get them what they want. “Big feelings are okay, but yelling and screaming in the store isn’t going to work. When you’re calm, we can talk about what’s going on.”
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