A huge part of being in a relationship is making the occasional compromise or sacrifice your partner’s benefit (or for the good of the relationship as a whole). That being said, not everything should be on the table when it comes to making concessions. If your partner really cares about you, they won’t ask you to do these 9 things. If they do, they’re incredibly selfish.
- To change (or “subtly” push for you to) No one really changes unless it’s a decision they make themselves. Also, it’s completely unfair for your partner to get to know you, develop a relationship with you, and then ask you to be someone other than who you are. It’s one thing if you decide to make positive changes in your life in order to better yourself and entirely another to feel like you have to in order to keep your partner’s love. They certainly have the right to explain what may or may not bother them about you, but you don’t really love someone if it’s conditional based on qualities they drop at your demand.
- To indulge in unhealthy (and maybe even dangerous) habits If your partner really loves you, they’ll always want what’s best for you and want you to better yourself, emotionally and physically. For example, if they smoke cigarettes, they’ll discourage you from joining in if they really love you. If they try to get you to share a pack with them despite your refusal, they’re just looking for someone to share their bad habits with.
- To give up your hobbies, passions, and other things that make you happy A partner that loves you will encourage you to follow your dreams, work on your hobbies, and do the things you love to do. If they ask you to stop doing them, or even to skip working on one occasionally, it’s a sign that they don’t truly love you. They want you all to themselves because they’re selfish or they’re simply afraid you’re going to outgrow them. It’s healthy for a relationship for both parties to have their own hobbies and passions, and a partner who really loves you will want that.
- To look through your phone Looking through your partner’s phone is not a good thing for a relationship in any situation. If your partner loves you, they won’t ask for your phone password or to go through your laptop. They’ll trust you and respect your privacy as well as boundaries. A partner that insists on looking through your phone, laptop, or any other devices is a partner that doesn’t respect you and therefore truly doesn’t love you.
- To alter your physical appearance in any way If someone is more concerned with your physical appearance than your personality and who you are, they don’t love you. In fact, they’re likely very insecure and superficial. Whether they ask you to gain weight, lose weight, wear more or less makeup, change up your style of clothing, or any other request that is about the way you look, it’s wrong and inexcusable. A partner that loves you will care about what’s on the inside, not the outside, and will have no problem letting you express yourself however you want to.
- To do anything that makes you uncomfortable This can encompass a wide variety of things, but if your partner asks you to do something they know makes you uncomfortable, this is a major red flag. An example of this could be asking you to give them (or let them borrow) money, go somewhere you don’t want to go, be around people you don’t trust, etc. If your S.O. loves you, hey won’t want you to feel uncomfortable and would never ask you to do something that makes you feel that way, period.
- To cut off your friends or family It’s definitely a red flag if your partner asks you to cut communication with any of your friends or family. Even if they don’t personally like them, if they really love you, your partner will never ask you to choose between them and someone else important in your life. It’s not their place to choose who should be a part of your life, and if they’re trying too, they want to control you and you need to get out.
- To give up your right to privacy Your partner doesn’t need to know who you’re texting at all times. They also don’t need to have your location shared with them so that they know where you are always. It’s fine if you want to tell them who you’re texting or where you are, but that should be your choice, not something they demand of you. They also shouldn’t ask you to give up your personal space or force themselves into places or situations where you’d rather be alone or just not have their company.
- To get rid of your healthy boundaries Everyone has different boundaries that they need in a relationship. For example, some people need time alone, while others don’t want to be in constant contact with their partner throughout the day. Whatever your personal boundaries are, a partner that loves you will never ask you to lower them or ignore them for their own personal benefit.