Why The People You Love Are The Ones That Hurt You The Most

Love all by itself is simple — it’s people and circumstances that make it complicated. Falling in love means you’re opening yourself up to someone and letting yourself be vulnerable, and that inevitably leaves you open to possible heartbreak. Even if someone promises they’ll never hurt you, and does everything they can to avoid it, you just never know. Loving someone requires a lot of faith and when that faith is shaken it can be a hard thing to bounce back from.

  1. You’re vulnerable. Falling in love means you’re putting your heart in someone else’s hands and giving them the opportunity to hurt you. If you never let yourself be vulnerable, you’d never get hurt. But you’d also never really fall in love either.
  2. You give them too many chances. It’s bad enough when someone you love disappoints you once, but if you give them another chance and they disappoint you again, it’s even worse. It may be hard to give up on them, but eventually you have to accept that you can’t keep going back to someone who will never change.
  3. You expect more from them. You aren’t dumb, so if you love them, they must be worthy, right? You expect them to continue to be worth loving, which is why it hurts even more when it turns out they aren’t who you thought they were.
  4. You took a chance on them. Falling in love might feel like something you can’t help, but if you really didn’t want to fall, you wouldn’t. You’d always be holding back. But you chose not to do that with them. You chose to let them in, which is always a risk. Of course it’s going to be disappointing when that risk doesn’t pay off.
  5. If you didn’t care, they couldn’t hurt you. Pretty self explanatory.
  6. You trusted them more than anyone. At one point you probably thought they’d be the last person in the world who would ever hurt you, which is how you were able to trust them so explicitly. The betrayal hurts that much more when you never saw it coming.
  7. You blame yourself for trusting them. Even if you could never have predicted they would hurt you, you’ll still feel like you should have known it would happen. You’ll tell yourself you should have been more careful, and you’ll vow to never trust someone so easily again. The baggage they leave you with is almost worse than the actual betrayal itself.
  8. They use your feelings against you. They probably managed to string you along or fool you into believing in them because they knew you cared about them. Maybe you’d given them too many chances already, and they knew you’d do it again. It’s hard to deal with loving someone even though you know you shouldn’t.
  9. They think they don’t deserve your love. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you and it’s just them not believing they’re worth having your love. They’d rather push you away and hurt you in an attempt to protect you than take the chance of getting hurt themselves.
  10. You saw a future with them. When you lose a person you love, you also lose the future you’d thought you’d have together. Now you have to give up on the present them and also the person you thought you’d be with for a long time. It’s not easy to start all over when you thought you’d finally found The One.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.