Without self-esteem that’s as strong as The Rock, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that external things and people around you determine your worth. But how you perceive yourself is what really matters. True self-worth is an inside job! Self-assured people know better than to allow these things define their self-worth. They know they matter just as they are!
1. A packed schedule
We tend to glamorize being busy and stressed, but it’s not healthy to let a chock-a-block schedule make you feel like you’re valuable and in high demand. People with high self-esteem prioritize being fulfilled over constant activity. They know that happiness stems from living a rich, meaningful life, not a hectic one.
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2. A romantic relationship
There’s so much pressure to meet someone and get into a romantic relationship, and that can feel overwhelming at times. However, being coupled doesn’t make a person more valuable than someone who’s flying solo. Single or partnered, confident people know that their worth isn’t tied to their romantic status or another person.
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3. Parenthood
For women especially, there’s still a lot of pressure to have children, The Conversation notes. Wanting to be a parent is cool, as is deciding to stay child-free. However, it should go without saying that it’s sad to determine your worth according to whether or not you’re bringing children into the world. There are many valid reasons not to have kids, and parenthood is a personal choice, not a measure of one’s worth.
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4. A high-flying job
Having a successful career might make one feel good, especially when it comes to securing their financial future, but it doesn’t have a powerful effect on your self-esteem. For proof of this, notice how some people are just happy and confident, regardless of what they do for a living. Plus, it’s important to note that life can often change in an instant — companies close, people are laid-off, etc. You have to value yourself based on more than just the titles on your resume.
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5. How many social media followers they have
Social media is sometimes a numbers game. There’s pressure to have as many followers as possible, but underlying this is the need to feel popular and worthy. The more followers you have, the more people will see and possibly “like” your posts, boosting your ego. Of course, what happens on social media isn’t real life, which matters more than online metrics.
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6. How much money they have
Linked to having a high-flying career, no one should determine their value according to how much money they earn or stash in the bank. Doing this can cause them to use money to fund a shallow or materialistic life. No matter how much money one has, it can never buy genuine self-esteem, which is marked by being true to yourself and comfortable in your skin.
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7. How many friends they have
Having a huge circle of friends is usually linked to being popular and likeable, but people with high self-esteem know that whether two or 200 people like them, they shouldn’t depend on that external validation to feel good about themselves. Although they value their friends, they don’t base their worth according to what others think of them.
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8. What car or house they own
Material possessions might give someone an ego boost, but this is short-lived, Psychology Today notes. Whether someone has a fancy car or huge house, it doesn’t have anything to do with who they are as a person. It’s one character that sets them apart from the crowd.
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9. Their physical appearance
People who have a healthy self-esteem don’t worry too much about their appearance. There are so many things that matter more than what you look like, such as intellect and empathy. Besides, your physical appearance changes over time, so clinging to it for self-worth is useless.
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10. Their previous mistakes
It’s sometimes easy to fall into the trap of thinking that past mistakes define you. People with high self-esteem don’t let the past chase them into the present or future. They focus on their positive traits, what they’ve learned from their failures, and how they can have a happier future.
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11. Their famous social connections
Being socially connected can be a way for people to feel good about themselves. If they know someone influential or quasi-famous, they might feel like this rubs off on them. But, it actually just highlights that they’re clutching to other people’s success instead of focusing on their own — which is what people with healthy self-esteem do.
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12. Their family bonds
Family can enrich our lives and offer us support, but not having close connections to family doesn’t necessarily mean that someone’s life is unhappy or that they’re missing out. There are many ways in which someone’s life can be fulfilling. For example, instead of having blood ties, they might have friends who they’ve chosen as family.
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13. Their achievements
Basing your self-worth on achievements, like when it comes to academics, sports, or any other undertaking, can be a way for people to search for external validation. Without those accolades, they might struggle to figure out who they are or why they matter. It’s impossible to decide whether one is worthy or not based on a string of test scores!
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14. Their age
There’s a huge focus on aging in society, but there really shouldn’t be! People with high self-esteem know that they have lots to offer the world and themselves, no matter how young or old they are. They also don’t allow perceptions of age to throw them off their course.
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15. Comparisons with other people
Comparing yourself to others can be damaging, to say the least. It can make you constantly anxious to be better than everyone else, which is a recipe for misery. People with good self-esteem know that they’re not in a competition with those around them. They give their lives and themselves worth, and this doesn’t depend on how they compare to others. Life’s not a race!
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16. Perfectionist tendencies
Being a perfectionist can cause people to feel a tremendous amount of stress. Perfection doesn’t exist! That’s what people with high levels of self-esteem and self-worth know. Instead of chasing the impossible, they embrace their imperfections and failures, eager to learn from them so they can improve and grow.
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