A lot of people have happy memories from their childhood, but not everyone is so lucky. While your family should love and support you, encouraging you to be the best version of yourself, many kids grow up feeling criticized, discouraged, and neglected instead. You may not have realized what was happening at the time, but you likely lacked emotional support growing up if you relate to these signs as an adult.
1. You Have Trust Issues.
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It’s only natural that you’d have serious trust issues as an adult if you didn’t have emotional support as a child. You couldn’t rely on the adults around you for support, so you might believe that you can’t depend on anyone in your life now that you’re an adult. You don’t want to be let down again so you don’t even bother trying.
2. You Struggle With Low Self-Esteem.
You tend to doubt your skills and abilities, which can directly link to a lack of positive reinforcement during childhood. Maybe you’ve carried your parents’ critical voice with you, and it’s still telling you that you’re not good enough. As a result, you wrestle with feeling inferior or unworthy, and it affects everything you do.
3. You’re terrified that everyone will abandon you.
No matter how much people reassure you that they love you, you still worry that they’ll pack up and leave you. Maybe you experienced this in the form of a parent walking out when you were a kid, or you simply had unstable emotional connections in your family where you felt like your parents were mentally or emotionally checked out.
4. You Struggle To Express Your Feelings.
It’s not easy for you to say what’s in your heart. This could be because you never had a safe space in which to explore and express your feelings. Maybe you were even encouraged to shut your feelings off or to compartmentalize them instead of processing them. As a result, this is still a pattern you have even as an adult.
5. You Try To Be Perfect.
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Perfectionism can be a coping mechanism. It leads you to seek other people’s approval, which is something you might’ve felt you had to do when you were a kid. The problem is that it causes you more stress and depletes your resources. Perfection doesn’t exist, and constantly trying and inevitably falling short will just make you miserable.
6. You’re stubbornly independent.
Independence is a good trait to possess, but if it’s too extreme, it could be a defense mechanism you use to keep from getting hurt. You might keep your walls up with everyone you meet out of fear of losing your independence and self-sufficiency. You never want to be in a position where your needs aren’t met, so you go to extreme (and often unnecessary) lengths to protect yourself.
7. You Lack Boundaries.
You might struggle to set boundaries because your privacy and personal space weren’t respected when you were a kid. Plus, having boundaries is also linked to wanting other people’s approval. You might let them walk all over you because you prioritize their needs over yours to earn their love. This will always come back to bite you in the end!
8. You’re A Rejection-Phobe.
If you’re always scared to connect with people out of fear of being rejected, this could signal you experienced a lack of acceptance as a child and it seriously wounded you. A fear of rejection is linked to low confidence and insecurity. You might reject others first so you don’t get hurt, not realizing that it’s also keeping you from forming genuine connections.
9. You Maintain Emotional Distance.
Since you struggle to deal with your emotions, this can make it really hard (if not downright impossible) to connect with people on an emotional level. You might even be scared of intimacy because it means being vulnerable with people, and that’s scary! Maybe short-term flings are fine for you, but only because you don’t want anything with commitment.
10. You’re Always Saying Sorry.
You tend to apologize if someone hurts you because you’d rather take the blame than have any drama or unrest, or maybe find yourself saying sorry for the tiniest inconveniences because you don’t want to upset people or make them like you less. What gives? Chances are, you’re feeling the need to placate people and keep them on your side out of fear of being hurt or rejected.
11. You Don’t Ask For Help.
Your emotional needs weren’t met during childhood, so you learned early on that you have to look out for yourself because no one else will. While being able to look after yourself is a valuable skill, it’s unhealthy to try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You should feel you can reach out for help if you’re struggling. No man is an island, as they say.
12. You Don’t Feel In Control.
When you were a kid, you might’ve felt that you didn’t have much independence or control over your life. Even though your life has changed since then, you might still feel stifled by other people’s (or society’s) expectations for you. Maybe you’re afraid to make decisions and take charge because you’re so used to being told what to do or how you were always wrong. In the end, it’s going to make you miserable.
13. You Go The Extra Mile.
You have a strong need to please other people to get their approval and love. You don’t feel like you’re good enough on your own, so you have to jump through hoops to work for their love. What you don’t realize is that you’re enough just as you are. You don’t have to ingratiate yourself to make people like you, especially not when it means overextending yourself.
14. You Speak To Yourself Like Garbage.
If you’re always being negative about your life or criticizing yourself, you might be internalizing negative messages you learned from your parents. Even if things are going well for you, your inner voice might still be putting you down. You know that it’s unhealthy, but there’s always a nagging voice telling you that you’re lacking in some way.
15. You Don’t Celebrate Your Success.
When you accomplished something amazing as a kid, your parents never gave you positive reinforcement. They either downplayed your success or completely ignored it. As a result struggle to celebrate your achievements as an adult. If someone does give you kudos, you feel awkward or uncomfortable.
16. You Feel Empty.
If you’re always feeling like something is seriously missing in your life, this can be unsettling. It usually stems from not having had your emotional needs met during childhood. It tends to show up as a lack of fulfillment, no matter how much you have or how great your life is going. You feel that no matter what happens, things will never get better, and that’s just no way to live.
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