There are a lot of things people say and get away with, all under the guise of being “polite.” However, diving a little deeper into the meaning of what has been said will show these phrases that seem harmless and even pretty nice on the surface aren’t so sweet when you dive a little deeper.
1. “You are so brave to come on your own.”
Someone pointing out that you’ve arrived somewhere without another person and calling you “brave” for it is just plain rude. They’re highlighting either that you’re single and therefore courageous for continuing to exist on your own, or possibly that you may be having issues in your relationship to attend an event without your partner when the truth is that you and your partner value independence. You don’t need to deal with someone else’s views on what people can or can’t do on their own.
2. “Why are you single?”
Why are you in a bad relationship? Why are you stuck in a marriage you hate? Why don’t you leave your partner who keeps cheating on you? Did you really think kids would save your relationship? Are you lonelier in your relationship than you ever were being single? Imagine if single people got to ask all these questions to people who are in relationships. No one ever dares, but for some reason, it’s acceptable to ask people why they are single rather than accept they may be happy in their lives without a partner.
3. “You look skinnier.”
Looking skinnier is not the same as being healthy. It’s rude to comment on a person’s weight loss without having any idea as to how it happened. Looking “skinnier” could be attributed to different health issues, so it’s best not to comment on someone’s appearance at all even when you think it’s a compliment. Their body is far from the most interesting thing about them, after all.
4. “You look tired.”
People may think they are saying this out of concern, but there’s always the underlying “You look like crap,” that comes with “You look tired.” Being tired is a natural part of life, especially these days where people have families, full-time jobs, a side hustle, and are expected to keep up with everything going on in their lives. Let someone say they’re tired rather than basically pointed out that they look like death warmed up.
5. “You’ve told me that before.”
This usually comes from the person who says the same story over and over again or has the same complaints in life that they’re not willing to work through properly. However, when you dare repeat something because you’ve forgotten you’ve mentioned it before, they’ll let you know straight away they don’t want to hear it again… even you patiently listened to them complain about their ex for the hundredth time.
6. “I…”
Starting a sentence with “I” before even asking about another person is rude. You know the people I’m talking about here — the ones who never ask you questions about yourself but you know all the details about their lives because they’d never let you forget it. It’s “I” this and “I” that and never “How are you?”
7. “Let’s catch up soon!”
We’ve all heard this one before. We know the person suggesting a catch-up soon will never actually organize anything or ever mention it again. It’s rude to say it when you really don’t mean it. If you know you’re not interested in meeting up/hanging out, just leave it with goodbye and not a false promise that you’ll see them at an unspecified time in the future.
8. “That’s not your fault.”
People who try to assure you that something isn’t your fault — especially when it’s obvious that it was theirs — don’t seem to consider that you were never feeling guilty or taking the blame to begin with. By attempting to assuage a feeling of responsibility you don’t even have, they’re trying to plant the idea in your head that you may have been at fault after all.
9. “Sorry I’m late.”
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They’re not sorry — and they’re always late. They think a half-hearted apology is enough to gain forgiveness, and it is when it happens on the rare occasion, but not when they’ve been taking advantage of your politeness time and time again. Stop telling them “That’s okay,” when really, they need to respect your time a whole lot more.
10. “Don’t be shy.”
Whoever says this thinks they’re inviting you into a scenario or conversation, but they’re actually putting a spotlight on how you behave in social situations. I’ve never known anyone to be less shy when someone has told them to open up a bit more. It’s rude to single someone out this way, and no one is ever told, “Don’t be loud and obnoxious.” Let the shy people weave their way in when they want and leave when they want without drawing attention to them.
11. “You’re beautiful.”
This is for the guys on dates who say this early on, thinking they are winning the girl over but not actually realizing they’ve just given the laziest and most superficial compliment possible. What about her mind? What about her hobbies? What about complimenting her on picking the great bar you’re drinking at or for being super smart and funny?
12. “Obviously…”
Starting a sentence with “Obviously” means it’s clear to you and therefore should be to others, but this is often not the case. Nothing is obvious until it’s stated and understood, so don’t be the type of know-it-all person who makes this kind of assumption. You might make other people feel incompetent because it’s not very obvious to them.
13. “You’re mature for your age.”
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People can’t change their age and you don’t know what has happened in someone’s life for them to act the way they do. Calling them “mature” may be a constant reminder of their struggles in life that have made them grow up faster than they wanted to. It might also be seen as somewhat of an insult, especially if the person interprets “mature” as being boring or a bit square.
14. “I’ll get the first round.”
Buying a round of drinks for people and stating it is the “first” round puts a lot of pressure on others to pay the same amount and also drink the same amount. Not everyone wants to drink as much alcohol or can even tolerate as much. Also, a lot of people don’t have the money to pay for a whole round of drinks for a group of people, especially when they may not know everyone very well and won’t see these people to get their round in return.
15. “Let me take a photo first.”
People who push their hands over other people to get the Insta shot of dinner after everyone’s been waiting an hour for their food are the worst. No! I just want to eat! Your own social media needs are not more important than people’s need for sustenance.
16. “You can do better.”
Everyone can do better if you really think about it. We could all have more money, be happier, be fitter, etc. Telling someone they can do better glosses over the hard work that goes into relationships to communicate with a partner and what it is that you think is better. Sure, some people do need to hear this, but they can also do better with some more thought-out advice.
17. “!”
Ending sentences with an exclamation mark does not make a sentence any less rude. Texting “I didn’t know that’s how you felt” vs. “I didn’t know that’s how you felt!” delivers the same blow that the person didn’t really know or care that’s how you felt. Exclamation marks are not polite. Some people believe that without them, everything appears rude, when faking excitement for everything is the real faux pas.
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