I’m Pretty Sure The Reason I’m Single Is That I’m Too Picky

I’ve always been told to never settle or put my heart into something or someone when it’s likely to get broken, so of course I’m a little picky when deciding whether or not to invest my time with someone. Who wants to be stuck with someone who isn’t good for them? The problem is, I think I’ve taken my habit of being selective a little too far, and it’s actually keeping me single.

  1. I never give second chances. If I’m done wrong once, it’s unlikely there’ll be a second time. “Second chance” isn’t really a part of my vocabulary because I don’t really believe in them. Obviously, it depends on the situation, but he had the opportunity to show me the right way the first time — why not do it then?
  2. I’m skeptical when guys are too nice to me. As soon as a guy compliments me, sends endless smiley face emojis, or tells me how beautiful I am, I automatically see a red flag. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to be that giddy all the time, and it makes me think he’s up to something. I don’t necessarily want a jerk — I just want him to be real with me.
  3. I pick out every possible flaw. When getting to know him, all the bad stuff surfaces first. I’m always careful when observing behavior and attitude, so when I see something negative come out, I keep tabs. It’s not that I think there’s something wrong with everyone; I just prefer to be aware and notice things I would otherwise be too love-blind to notice.
  4. I come to irrational conclusions about intentions. For some reason, I tend to decide what his intentions are without really knowing, and they’re never positive. Basically, I come up with my own reasons why he does things the way he does, and it could totally be inaccurate — in fact, it usually is. I come up with these scenarios that are totally unrealistic, and it definitely keeps me from seeing what’s in front of me.
  5. I’m always worried about picking the wrong one. My fear of spending time with someone who isn’t good for me in the long run continues to ruin my ability to just be happy with him. There are so many guys out there — what if I end up with a complete bonehead while my Prince Charming is getting away? What if I thought this would work out and it doesn’t?
  6. I think almost every guy is immature. Well, every guy I’ve met IS kind of immature, but being too childish to be with me is something I worry about. I don’t want a boy, I want a man. Guys who laugh at immature jokes, are rude and insensitive, and don’t take much notice to how they make others feel are impossible for me to deal with. It seems hard to find someone who doesn’t fit in this category even a little bit.
  7. I have unrealistic expectations. My idea of a great relationship may be something I’ll never obtain, and that’s because I expect something close to perfection. I know that no relationship is perfect and neither is any guy (or girl, for that matter). I just want something close to it — isn’t that what we all want, though?
  8. I’m cynical AF. I have a hard time believing in others because it’s hard to know for sure if you’re with someone who’s what and who they say they actually are. People are lied to, abused, cheated on, and mislead every day. I don’t want to be one of those people, so I keep my eye out for it… perhaps a little too much.
  9. I let my past hurts affect my future love prospects. My feelings and my heart can only take so much after the hurt I’ve experienced. I don’t want to go through the same thing or regret making the same mistakes I once made. When your heart is broken once, you just don’t go forth the same way you used to. It’s like you walk around a tad bit broken, but not broken enough to give up.
  10. I don’t want to waste my time. Maybe I’m wasting time looking for the one by being too picky, but that’s okay because I’d rather do that than waste my time with someone I shouldn’t be with. It may be ridiculous and it may be crazy, but that’s the kind of love I’m after anyway. Ridiculous and crazy.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia