Here’s Why You Still Haven’t Found Mr. Right

Here’s Why You Still Haven’t Found Mr. Right ©iStock/Mucella

Your answer to why you’re still single usually involves you muttering something halfheartedly about how you have really high standards and haven’t found somebody that lives up to them, but it’s more complicated than that. You know it and they know it, but it’s kind of personal and it’s easier to just keep it short and sweet. If you were being brutally honest, here’s what you would say:

  1. You’re just not willing to put in the effort. Relationships take a lot of time. From standard relationship maintenance like e-mails, texts, phone calls, nights out, and weekends together to emergency intervention procedures during arguments, having a significant other really puts a drain on your time and resources.
  2. You’re still hung up on someone from your past. I know that these days women are supposed to be all tough and immune to getting their hearts broken, but that doesn’t make it any easier to bounce back from breaking up with someone you really cared about. It’s OK to take some time to yourself to regroup instead of trying to find a rebound guy.
  3. You’re terrified of failure and you’re self-sabotaging. Maybe you’ve tried and failed before and you don’t want to go through the whole process all over again. Subconsciously, you might be looking for reasons to avoid getting into a relationship so that you don’t put yourself through another painful breakup if it doesn’t work out.
  4. You have doubts about the whole “happily ever after” thing. You know that there are lucky couples out there who are truly in love until death do them part, but really you’re just rolling the dice. Sometimes, you’re just not sure if you want to take that gamble.
  5. You love the idea of having choices and don’t know how to settle on just one guy. You’re convinced: there really are so many fish in the sea. And you think it’s awesome that, at least in theory, you have so many people to choose from. How can you be expected to throw in your lots with one mediocre guy when the next one is just a swipe away, and he might be awesome?
  6. You don’t want to give up your total and complete freedom. You can pick up and go any time you want. Maybe you’ll decide to go to grad school in another state. Maybe you’ll decide to learn a language in another country. Maybe you won’t. But you at least like to know that, if you wanted to, you could. 
  7. You never seem to go after the “right” guys. Supposedly there are guys out there that are marriage-minded, but you must have missed the memo about where they’re all hiding out. You can never seem to find one, and you don’t want to waste your time with someone who’s just going to lead you on.
  8. You’d rather go out with your girlfriends than sit through first-date small talk until you find the right guy. You can’t stand the “getting to know you” stage and you feel like you end up just reciting your resume all night, over and over. Forget that grief. You’d rather hang out with your girls, where the conversation flows and you can relax.
  9. You don’t want to waste your time on something that’s not a sure bet. If you go to the gym for two hours, you know exactly what you’re going to get. If you go on a date for two hours, you might get…well, nothing. You’d rather choose the option where you know you’ll get out exactly what you’ll put in.
  10. You’re already happy. Could you be happier? Maybe. But you’re doing OK; your single days have been some of your happiest ones. And you’re willing to stick with that.
Jessica Levy is a freelance blogger and content writer. She’s also a politics junkie, a fledgling foodie, and a frequent traveler. She has lived in Morocco, Israel, India, and Barbados, and never wants to be cold again. Follow her on Twitter!