You Put Me Through Hell, But It Taught Me What I Really Deserve

You broke my heart, and while I don’t wish that pain on anyone, I’m stronger because of it. It took experiencing real love and then watching it all fall apart to realize exactly what I deserve, and all I know now is that I deserve so much better than you.

I deserve real love.

Not the crap you gave me. Love shouldn’t be that selfish and manipulative — it should be unconditional and free. Your love was always conditioned on everything from my “attitude” to your busy schedule. I want a man who loves me no matter what else is going on in his life; one who will stick with me through the good times and the bad. Now I know you could never give me a love like that.

I deserve someone who treats me well.

I forgive you for treating me like crap, but I’m never going to forget it. That’s how I learn from our unhealthy relationship and never make the same mistake again. I’m forgiving you for myself so that I can move on, but I won’t forget the way you made me feel like I was nothing. I thought you were the man of my dreams. I thought that love was always that messy, but I was wrong. I deserved more from you, and I’ll never settle in another relationship again.

I deserve a good man.

I’m over the excitement of a bad boy. I want a mature relationship with a man, not the drama I had with your childlike tendencies. I deserve a guy who has his act together and is over his party phase. I want to be with a someone who doesn’t require me to constantly explain how he hurt me and then beg him to care. Bottom line — I want a guy who treats me well without me having to ask.

I deserve to feel like I’m enough. 

You never made me feel like I was good enough for you. You were never happy with the way things were; I gave and I gave and all you wanted was more. I was never pretty enough, fun enough, or caring enough for you. I gave you everything and that still wouldn’t do. I want a man who thinks I’m more than enough, one who feels lucky to have me and doesn’t even wonder if he could have something more with someone else.

I deserve someone who’s sure about me from the start.

Once upon a time you knew you loved me, but then our whole relationship became a lot less certain. You weren’t sure if you loved me, and that made me pretty damn sure that we shouldn’t be together. You were so wishy-washy with your feelings, and I want a guy who’s confident in his love for me. I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t constantly question if we should be together because when it’s right, you just know.

I deserve a guy who values my time instead of wasting it. 

I want a guy who actually texts back; a guy who won’t stand me up and who’s always there when I need him. I want a man who misses me when we’re apart and who can’t wait to see me again. All you ever did was waste my time. You left me waiting night after night because you were too “busy” to ever see me. I want a guy who knows how to make time for me and will do whatever it takes because he knows I’m worth it.

I deserve to be better than second best.

 When I was with you, I never felt like I was “good enough.” I was the girl on the back burner. I used to be your future, but at some point in our relationship, I became your backup plan. I didn’t deserve to be the woman you keep on the hook in case nothing better came along. I want more than to be with a guy who feels like he’s settling. I’m worthy of a man who feels lucky just to be with me, and that man definitely isn’t you.

I deserve someone who’s willing to fight for me. 

You gave up on us so easily and I never understood that. If you really loved me, wouldn’t you have done anything to be with me? You threw in the towel like we were nothing, but I deserve a guy who will do whatever it takes to save the relationship. I fought for you, but you didn’t do the same for me. I deserved more than to look like the fool fighting for unrequited love.

I deserve to be accepted for who I am.

 You never loved me for who I was and you never made me feel like I was special. I never felt like I was whole; instead, I was a work in progress, and it made me feel so insignificant. You made me think that I didn’t deserve you, but it was you who didn’t deserve me. You should have appreciated and loved me for exactly the person I am, not a version of myself that you idealized. I shouldn’t have to change just to be some guy’s girlfriend, I know that now.

I deserve to be with a guy I can trust.

That’s what relationships are built on. Trust should have been our foundation, but we didn’t have any. Maybe that’s why the walls caved in. I started out trusting you, but you cut away at that foundation piece by piece with every lie and deception until there was nothing left. I deserve to be with someone who doesn’t constantly make me worry about who he’s with and what he’s doing. I want a guy who doesn’t make me question his love or constantly blame myself for his betrayals. Thanks for breaking my heart, because now I know you’re not the man I deserve.

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