10 Questions To Ask Yourself (And Your Ex) Before You Take Him Back

Sometimes taking back an ex works. You’ve both taken the time away from each other to grow up and realize what it is you really want out of life and you realize it’s each other. However, this isn’t always the case. To prevent making a major mistake, here are 10 questions to ask your ex before you even consider a reunion.

  1. Ask yourself: does he have his act together? He was a toxic mess when you walked away from him and it might seem like quite a leap for him to have changed in the last few months. Now’s the time to take a real look at him and suss out if he’s really grown up and seems like a more mature, responsible, and sorted individual. If not, then you can say, “Thank you, next.”
  2. Ask yourself: has he changed? Maybe he did something that really hurt you when you were together. The important thing to know is if he’s changed. While this can be tricky to tell, it’s worth taking the time to talk to him and study his actions before agreeing to give the relationship another shot.
  3. Ask yourself: is he just lonely? What if he’s only hitting you up on Facebook because he’s lonely, not because he wants to date you again? If he talks about how lonely he is or he only texts you late at night, those are pretty good indications he’s just looking for some entertainment and attention.
  4. Ask him: when was his last relationship? If he dated other women after you guys split up then it’s worth finding out when his last relationship ended. He might be desperate to have someone new, which is why he’s trying to resuscitate something with you. Ugh. You don’t want to go back to a guy who’s on the rebound and just going to hurt you again.
  5. Ask yourself: is he bored? Besides for the lonely guy, your ex might just be coming back into your life because he’s bored. That could be why he wants to have long text conversations at odd hours of the day. Maybe he’s fitting you in for some entertainment while he’s waiting for other things in his life to materialize, like a party or date. Or maybe he’s sick from work and doesn’t have anyone else who’s giving him the time of day.
  6. Ask yourself: does he just want to catch up? Sometimes guys crawl back into your life as though they want to nurture a relationship reboot when in actual fact they just want to see how you’ve been. They want to chat for a while before moving on. It’s weird and annoying but it happens. The important thing is not to give away too much info about yourself so that you can see if he’s genuinely interested or just nosy.
  7. Ask yourself: does he really want to be a part of your life? If he’s always keen to shoot the breeze, it doesn’t immediately mean that he’s going to want to take that chatter into a real life date setting, so pay attention to what he talks about. If he’s only talking about himself or superficial topics without really showing an interest in you, then he’s not serious about a relationship.
  8. Ask him: what does he think about the breakup? Before taking a step forward into a relationship reboot, it helps to take a glance back at the past. How did the breakup with him happen? What caused it? What’s his version of things now when he looks back in time? If he speaks of the breakup as though it was all your fault or he conveniently “can’t remember” what went down, he’s a fool. Same goes for if he cheated on you but doesn’t take responsibility for what a terrible boyfriend he was.
  9. Ask him: what kind of relationship is he looking for? If you’ve been chatting and flirting for a while and it’s clear he wants to take things into a romantic setting, you need to know what he actually wants from a relationship. He’s your ex, not a stranger, so you can go ahead and ask him what relationship he wants to be in. He might actually just be looking for some fun, after all, and you deserve to know that ASAP. 
  10. Ask him: where do you see us going? He asked you out on a date and he seems like he still has feelings for you. He’s even made it clear that he’s not playing around and wants to be in a relationship with you. That’s great, but make sure he’s got the same relationship goals that you do. While he might be making date plans for next week, what’s the bigger picture? Are you both headed in the same direction this time around? It’s worth asking to be sure because there’s nothing worse than getting your heart broken for the second time by the same man.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.