I want a boyfriend so bad! If you ever find yourself thinking this and feeling confused about your desire for a partner, don’t. It makes perfect sense. Just because you’re totally self-sufficient doesn’t mean companionship isn’t a good thing. Here’s what’s going on.
You want to fall in love. It’s hard to think about being interested in a relationship without the desire for love, but a surprisingly high number of people seem to think that a boyfriend is just arm candy or a plus-one for those weddings you really don’t want to go to. Nothing could be further from the truth. You want your modern version of Prince Charming who totally gets that you can cook amazing meals but doesn’t expect that from you – and who will even do the cleaning himself.
You want actual commitment. A crazy concept in today’s world, but the idea of committing to another person is still beautiful and worthy. If you want to grow old with someone (or at least spend the next few years with them), call them your one and only, go on amazing trips, experience life with them – those are all right reasons to call someone your BF.
You want a new best friend. Of course you have your girlfriends and they’re the absolute best. You’ll never replace them with your new guy – that’s super lame. But the best relationships are the ones when both parties are actually best friends. You want a confidante who you can share secrets new and old with. You want someone with whom you can binge-watch the new sitcom or drama everyone can’t stop talking about.
You want to get all philosophical. Okay, you don’t have to start quoting Plato and Socrates. But if you’re searching for a deeper connection and want more than just surface-level small talk, a relationship could give you that. You want to stay up until 3 a.m. with someone because you can’t stop talking and sleep seems super boring compared to whatever the two of you have to say.
You want to settle down. This is more than just committing to another person and giving them a label. This is when you’re over the idea of settling and want to find your Derek Shepherd (without the whole tragic death thing, of course). Settling down can mean anything to you – it’s not necessarily a ticket to a white wedding unless you’re into that. It’s the romantic equivalent of kicking your uncomfortable shoes off at the end of a long day or getting into bed when you’re beyond exhausted. It’s comforting and sweet and so awesome to not have to go on another awkward first date again.
You want adventure. No matter how much we love the single life, it does get pretty dull after a while. You’re over having fun by yourself or only with your friends. You want to meet someone and have fun with them. You want more than just mere fun, you want adventure, new experiences, and new ideas. You want it all.
You want to be part of his family. Depending on how lucky you get, being a part of your boyfriend’s family could be the best thing ever or your greatest nightmare. You’re hoping it’s the former. You might be an only child and longing for that huge family, or you want someplace to go on Christmas that’s not dealing with your crazy relatives (so you can go deal with your new BF’s crazy relatives, basically).
You want to be content. Not happy. Being happy is pretty much a given. What you’re searching for is being completely content – at peace with who you are and who you’ve chosen to spend your time with. You want to know that you made the right choice (as much as we can know anything in this crazy world).
You’re tired of crazy surprises. Dating is a lot of things – awful, frustrating, exciting, hopeful. It also provides you with a lot of weird surprises. Surprise: that guy looks nothing like his profile picture! Surprise: he’s a total jerk! Surprise: he’s super sexist! It’s totally fine to want a steady boyfriend who you know is a good person and will always be there for you.
You’ve met an amazing guy. This is the best reason to want a boyfriend, right? Somehow, through some magic of the universe, you’ve met this guy and everything is falling into place. It may be all red roses and violins playing and kisses in the rain. Or it may just be pizza and Netflix and cheesy cuddling. Whatever it is, it’s yours, and you wouldn’t trade it for a second.
Why there’s nothing wrong with admitting you want a boyfriend
Who doesn’t want companionship? Some nihilists would argue that we’re born alone and we die alone, but that doesn’t have to be the case. The desire for companionship is innate to humans and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Who wouldn’t want someone to come home to at the end of a long day, someone to cuddle with in bed at night? There’s nothing weak or weird about expressing this desire.
It’d be great to have someone to share the journey with. Why should you go it alone? Life throws all kinds of things our way over the years, both good and bad, and having someone here by your side, sharing in the joys and the sorrows, is what makes it all worthwhile and at times, what makes it bearable. Building a life with someone is one of the greatest gifts anyone can receive.
You’re worthy of love. You love yourself and that’s great. Your friends and family also love you, and that’s wonderful too. However, you also deserve romantic love. You deserve good sex, true intimacy that you only experience with a romantic partner. If you want a boyfriend, you should have one, end of story.
You have so much to offer a partner. All of those amazing qualities you have as a single woman are also ones that would be incredible for a boyfriend to experience. You’re kind, caring, funny, intelligent, sympathetic, and so many other wonderful things. What guy wouldn’t be lucky to have someone like that in his life?
Having a boyfriend wouldn’t make you any less independent. You might worry that by saying you want a boyfriend, you’ve somehow become a traitor to all strong, independent women in the world, and that’s just not true. Getting into a relationship wouldn’t automatically erase your personality and lifestyle. You would continue on as you always have, just with someone else by your side. After all, you’re complete on your own. Having a boyfriend would only add to your already amazing life.
You’ve done the hard work. While it’s true that some women get into relationships to distract from their loneliness and/or unhappiness, that’s not the case for you. You’ve done the work on yourself to ensure that you have a fulfilled life with an amazing career, great social circle, hobbies and passions, and everything else you need. In other words, you have your act together. Now, you know you’re in a good place to add a guy to the picture. Nothing wrong with that!
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