Sometimes, a casual relationship can be exactly what you need. When you’re not really in a place where you can deal with a committed relationship but you’d love some regular sex and someone to eat pizza with, it’s perfect. But, there may come a point when you want more… If you find yourself in another casual relationship that you say you’re cool with but it actually doesn’t feel quite right, maybe you’re settling for “almost” because you’re afraid of having nothing at all. Here are a few signs:
You don’t want him to be with anyone else. If the thought of him being with someone else makes you sick to your stomach then you probably don’t feel particularly casual about him at all. You might not want to care, but if you do, you do. You want to be the only girl in his life, and there’s nothing casual about that.
You’re sure that one day, he’s going to come around. There’s some part of you that thinks it’s only a matter of time before he realizes that he actually wants you to be his girlfriend, so you’re just waiting it out until he gets there. It’s totally fine how it is now, of course… it’d just be nice if it was more, right?
You’ve sworn off casual relationships before. The last time you got out of a casual relationship, you swore up and down that you would never get into another one, and yet here you are. There’s a part of you that knows what you want, but given the chance to fall safely into something that’s kinda sorta halfway there, you’ll take it.
It’s hurting a little. You said that you were cool being casual and maybe you even meant it at the time, but if you’re being honest with yourself, it hurts a little here and there. Unfortunately, you don’t think there’s anything you can do about it, so you just go with it.
You convince yourself it could be worse. You feel like you might want more than he’s giving you at the moment, but you don’t have the confidence to know for sure that you deserve that. You feel like you should take what you can get because it’s pretty good — in fact, it could be a lot worse.
You make excuses for him. You find yourself making excuses for him to other people and to yourself. The fact that he won’t meet your friends is explained by the fact that it’s casual, so it’s not expected. He’s out posting photos after breaking plans with you, but you act like you understand because, after all, you’re not his girlfriend. Screw that.
The idea of meeting someone else paralyzes you. When you think about what would happen if things ended with this guy and you moved on, you can’t even imagine meeting someone else. It seems scary and almost impossible that there might be someone else out there that’s half as good as him and that wants the same things you do, so you don’t even try.
You know it’s not right, but you don’t end it. You actually hate the fact that you’re giving yourself and so much of your time to someone who doesn’t deserve it, but you don’t yet know how to stop. It’s rolling around in the back of your mind all the time, but you keep swallowing the words that you aren’t ready to say.
Your friends are always rolling their eyes about it. Your friends know you pretty well, and they’re not exactly buying the lies that you’re telling them about how happy you are with this guy. You tell them the relationship is just fun, whatever, but they give you that look that tells you that they know you’re full of crap.
You say you’re in it for the sex, but that’s not it. You say that you’re cool being casual because you’re just in it for the sex, but you also know that isn’t entirely true because you don’t even like to have sex with people that you don’t feel a connection with in the first place. That just makes it easier to avoid explaining further.
You pretend like you’re cool with things that you aren’t. You pretend like it doesn’t bother you when he doesn’t respond to your texts, but that’s not true. You just feel like you don’t have the right to demand anything from your casual relationship and worry that if you do, you might lose the little thing you have.
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