My Relationship Goal For 2020: Go All-In Or Get All The Way Out


Frankly, 2019 was the ultimate year for leveling up. It was all about reaching goals, implementing self-care, and straight-up glowing. But this also meant cutting some toxic ties and being independent. Now that I’m the best version of me, I’m not letting anyone waste my time pertaining to growth. So when it comes to finding the love I deserve, I’m keeping these 7 bullet points in mind.

I’m a busy woman.

My time will be valued. I’m not waiting days for return texts. I’m not getting looped into endless small talk on dating apps with no promise of ever meeting. I’m not a side chick or an unwilling accomplice in someone’s extra-marital adultery scheme. And this whole dreadful concept of a situationship is so last year. If he doesn’t state his honest intentions upfront and back them up with clear immediate action, I’m moving right along because I’m not the girl for him.

If Windex isn’t his best friend, he’s not The One.

We all have baggage, cool. But what isn’t cool is a lack of transparency. Let me know from the start what you have going on so I can decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not. Don’t make these decisions for me. It’s lowkey abusive to withhold necessary info to keep me strung along. Just be honest about who you are and what you’re doing. Are you here just for a good time or are you looking for a long one? Did I do something to rub you the wrong way and can we talk about it or not? I’m not playing guessing games and I shouldn’t have to become Sherlock Holmes to know who the real you is. I can work with baggage, vices, and a past. What I can’t do is the unknown.

Dating legitimately isn’t that much fun.

Sure, in the moment there are exciting parts. There’s a certain thrill in meeting new people and an innocent joy about having hope for something to work out. But it gets old and tired fast. It’s exhausting to engage in the same getting-to-know-you interview conversation over and over. It sucks to go back to a cold empty pillow on your bed and sleeping alone at night. It’s a lot of work to keep up with remembering multiple guys’ likes/dislikes, allergies, birthdays, etc. Is he the one who said he hates scary movies or was he the thrill-seeker? Are we grilling steaks in the summer or did he say he was vegan? Fifty first dates eventually become fifty first exhaustions and let’s just either aim for potential marriage or not even get started, OK?

I’m not actually planning to die alone.

Yes, I’ve made endless jokes about being on my way to entering full-on cat lady mode. But is this what I want in real life? No way. The holiday season was full of sweet Christmas and New Year’s Eve proposals and you know who wasn’t included in the line-up? That’s right- me. While I’m endlessly happy for my friends and ready to fit into my 27 Dresses role, I’m not seriously hoping to be cursed with “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” syndrome.

I truly do know my worth.

Without sounding full of myself or anything, I know I’m amazing. Life isn’t easy. Adulting is the worst. Bills, work, health crises, more bills. It’s draining. I’ve been knocked down and dragged out but I’m still standing and proud. I’m not entertaining guys who force me to straddle the line between determined and desperate. I’m not falling into another one-sided trap. I plan to love hard, but it will be with the right guy this time and my resources will not be spread amongst a trail of nopes along the way.

I deserve this.

2019 was kind of lonely, but I needed to do the time. I had to work on myself and reflect on my past mistakes. It took a lot of screwups to get how low I reached at one point. I got my vision board together, used my planner more, practiced a generous amount of self-care, and sincerely focused on ME. I feel truly transformed and quiet time was exactly what I needed. Now that I’ve accomplished so many of my short-term life goals, it feels right to return back to my relationship ones with a renewed sense of self and a clearer vision. I prepared for this and have earned the right to reap the reward.

I’m done with martyring myself.

Going through some of the toxic relationships I went through in my late teens and early-mid 20s was severely damaging. And it’s made me hesitant to whole-heartedly put myself back out there. But the losers of my past don’t deserve to steal any more of my time than they did. They were lessons learned and I’m not going to continue to allow previous heartbreaks to keep me from getting discovered by someone with genuine intentions. It’s time to leave the past in the previous decade.

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