Reminder: You Don’t Need A Man To Have Kids

Reminder: You Don’t Need A Man To Have Kids ¬©iStock/Brickrena

Whether your feel your biological clock ticking or you just have more of a desire to have a baby than to be in a relationship, it’s important to remember that these days, being in a relationship is only optional when it comes to having a baby. If you’re on the fence about pursuing options to have kids as a single woman, keep these things in mind:

  1. It’s way better to be raised by a single mom than parents who hate each other. Anyone who grew up in a household with parents who were constantly fighting could recount how stressful it is to live around two people who can’t get along. If your only reason for being in a relationship with a man is to have kids, stop. Your future children will thank you for choosing to raise them solo instead of settling for someone just for the purpose of having another parent in the equation.
  2. There will be people to help you out. There are absolutely unique challenges that come with being a single parent, but that doesn’t mean you have to go it alone. If you surround yourself with good people, you’ll have friends and family members who will be willing to help you out with your children while you’re at work, just as they would if both you and your hypothetical partner had busy lives. And if, for whatever reason, you weren’t able to get a loved one to give you a hand, there are plenty of amazing nannies and babysitters who know exactly what it takes to take care of a growing little one.
  3. When it comes to getting pregnant, science can replace a sexual partner. If you want a baby, but could do without a baby daddy, you don’t have to settle. In-vitro fertilization has massively grown in popularity in recent years, and more women than ever are proving that a male partner is relatively easy to replace when it comes to getting pregnant. Don’t forget that adoption is also an option!
  4. You and your child’s happiness is more important than other people’s opinions. If the only thing stopping you from having a kid is the fear of what other people might think, stop fretting. People are going to judge you no matter what you do, and ultimately, their opinions don’t matter as long as you and your child are happy and healthy. Have the baby, and if people are jerks about you being a single mom, boot them out of your life.
  5. Lots of women have done it before.¬†Over 17 million kids are currently being raised without a father, and while, sadly, lots of those moms aren’t voluntarily single, you can bet that lots of them are, and there are plenty who have chosen to have their children through IVF. Basically, you’re not going to be the first or last woman to raise a baby on her own. Not even close. And if all those other women can do it, so can you.
  6. There’s nothing wrong with having a non-traditional family. Having just one parent doesn’t mean a child is going to have a lesser quality of life. Society might try to make you feel ashamed for not having a traditional two-parent household, but the truth is that as long as a child is loved raised the right way, it doesn’t matter how many parents are involved.
  7. Plenty of things are more important than the presence of a father in a child’s life. Never feel like your kid has to have a dad in their life in order to grow up right. There are definitely things you have to take into consideration before you have a baby, such as your finances, time, and emotional availability and preparation, but they’re no different from the things you’d have to think about if you were with a partner. As long as your child is well taken care of, your presence in their life will be plenty enough.
  8. The stigma surrounding single moms just isn’t accurate. The idea that all single mothers are uneducated and poor just isn’t true anymore. While there are unfortunately single moms who aren’t living in ideal conditions, 58 percent of unwed mothers have attended college, and 32 percent earn more than $40k a year. Don’t let outdated prejudices prevent you from achieving your dream of becoming a mother.
  9. You’re not doomed to be single forever. Even if you’re single now, having a baby isn’t going to mean you’ll stay that way for the rest of your life. Plenty of guys love kids, and many are actively seeking single moms looking for love. Your chances of finding a great guy aren’t going to disappear just because you make the choice to have a baby, so don’t let that sway your decision.
  10. If it’s a priority to you, you’ll make it work. Having a baby is never easy, and that’s especially true if you choose to take the rather expensive route of doing IVF and being a single mom from the start. But if you truly want to be a mother, it’ll all be worth it. Countless moms before you have gone through the same challenges, and both they and their children have made it just fine. If being a mom without a man is really something that interests you, do your research and then make your choice based on what YOU want.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.