Romantic Attraction: What It Really Is And How to Recognize It When You Experience It

Many people don’t know there are different kinds of attraction, especially since when most people have a crush, they experience different types of attraction at once. Because of this, they see romantic, aesthetic, and sexual attraction as the same thing. However, the split attraction model means that you can experience these types of attraction separately. This is especially true for people who are asexual,  meaning they experience little to no sexual attraction but romantic attraction isn’t off the table. So what is romantic attraction anyway?

What is romantic attraction?

Romantic attraction is when you want a romantic relationship with someone you’re attracted to. Simple enough, right? Romantic attraction doesn’t always entail sexual attraction. So, when it comes to feeling romantic attraction, you want to be together and do all the romantic things couples do, but you don’t lust for them. “Sexual attraction comes from a sexual desire for something or someone, while romantic attraction is the want to have a romantic relationship with someone outside of sex,” GLAAD ambassador Syd Stephenson explains.

How to recognize romantic attraction

1. You want to be close but not necessarily have sex. When you’re romantically attracted to someone, you want to be close and intimate but not necessarily in terms of sex. You want to kiss, cuddle, or hold hands. You have no problem keeping your clothes on and you’re not bothered if things don’t go further than that.
2. You feel safe with them. Romantic attraction feels more secure and comforting than sexual attraction. It might not be as heated or passionate, but the comfort and safety you feel are nice in their own way. There’s a particular type of closeness between you that doesn’t exist with more platonic connections.
3. You don’t want to hook up. You want a meaningful relationship where this person plays a vital role in your life. So, the idea of just having a one-night stand or becoming friends with benefits doesn’t do anything for you. It’s not always that you don’t want to have sex, but it’s not a big part of the equation.
4. You enjoy their company. You can be sexually attracted to someone but not necessarily enjoy speaking to them, whereas with romantic attraction, you’re much more invested in who they are as a person. Hanging out is your favorite thing to do with them because the conversation never runs dry and you always enjoy yourself.
5. You’re not too concerned with looks. Romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction don’t always come together. Aesthetic attraction is thinking someone is physically attractive, but again, people generally experience multiple types of attraction at once. With romantic attraction, you desire a close, romantic bond with someone, but their looks have little influence over how you feel. Thinking they’re hot is a bonus, but it’s not always mandatory.
6. You fantasize about being a couple. A huge sign of romantic attraction is fantasizing about being a couple, going on dates, and sharing your lives with one another. Just be careful you’re not making up an idealized version of that person in your head because the real deal isn’t going to be able to live up. Don’t get so caught up in a fantasy or you’ll never make a move.
7. You want to get to know them more. Again, when you’re romantically attracted to someone, you’re pretty invested in who they are as a person. So, you want to know their life story, their interests, who their friends and family are, etc.
8. You feel nervous around them. You want this person to like you too, so you’re nervous whenever you hang out for fear of saying the wrong thing or seeming overbearing. There might not be any sexual tension, but you still feel pressure to win them over.
9. You smile when you think of them. It’s hard to keep that person off your mind when there’s romantic attraction between you. When you think of them, you can’t help but grin or blush because they make you happy.
10. You can’t stop talking about them. You can’t help but gush about them to everyone who will listen. But again, these conversations tend to stay on the wholesome side and are more about how much you love spending time with them than how hot they are.
11. You value their thoughts. Since you want a relationship with that person, you naturally want to impress them and find common ground to bond over. You shouldn’t change for anyone, but at the same time, you do respect their opinions.
12. You love seeing them happy. You want to help them succeed in life or find ways to make them laugh because their joy also brings you joy. Again, you’re much more invested in their life than if you were only experiencing sexual and aesthetic attraction.
13. You want to spend time as much meaningful time together as possible. With sexual attraction, you can’t wait to leave dinner and go home together. But, if you’re into someone romantically, you don’t want the night to end because you want to spend as much time together as possible – even if it means never going home.