Relationships are all fun and games until I start worrying that things are going to change and the bubble will burst. Then, weirdly enough, that’s what sends me and my partner straight to Splitsville. Ugh.
- At first, I’m carefree. When a new guy comes into my life, things are great. I feel confident, fun, and enjoy his company with no expectations. Being so relaxed allows my best qualities to shine.
- Once things get real, I freak. As time goes on, things start to get more serious with the guy. We get into an exclusive relationship and I’m happy about it, but with that happiness comes a lot of fear that things are going to fizzle or he’s going to go from being an amazing guy to a jerk.
- I’m terrified of being hurt so I get guarded. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so hurt in the past that I’m scared of going through that all over again. It’s a horrible feeling. It changes me even though I don’t want it to. Once I’m seriously dating a guy who seems really into me, I start to allow those fears to put me on guard. It makes it harder to relax and go with the flow the way I used to in the early stages of dating him. Things are so much more real now and there’s more to lose than there was before.
- He starts to wonder where the cool girl went. Instead of being relaxed and carefree, I start to become anxious and perhaps even clingy out of fear of things ending. I’m sure the guy I’m with will wonder where the hell I’ve gone to and if I’ve body-swapped with someone else.
- I try to talk myself down but it’s hard. It’s hard to regain that cool composure and focus on living in the moment when I’m riddled with fears of the relationship ending or the guy hurting me. I really try to be that person again but often fail.
- The guy ends up bolting. I don’t blame him for breaking up with me when he feels like I tricked him with false advertising. He wanted that fun-loving, awesome woman he was promised on our first dates, not this clingy woman who has trust issues. I would want to leave her too!
- I’m scared to show my real feelings. This above scenario that plays out makes me decide to stop myself before showing my real feelings to a guy. Once those feelings come out, they totally change me and sometimes even make the guy disappear. I know that guys who can’t deal with a woman’s real feelings don’t deserve to have her, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m to blame because I’m led by my heart way too much.
- I take relationships seriously. The problem is that I can’t be casual about relationships. Sure, when I meet a guy and go on a few dates with him, I can be relaxed and take my time to find out if he’s worthy of my attention. But once things get serious, I’m 100% committed to him. That’s freaking scary because it means I’m investing in a relationship that could crash and burn.
- I end up trying way too hard. Sometimes to deal with my relationship fears and try to show the guy I’m still worthy, I’ll try to be the best girlfriend in the world. I’ll be supportive, kind, and perhaps too nice for my own good. It’s ridiculous—it’s like I’m trying to keep him interested in me, like I have to prove myself to him. That just puts so much pressure on the relationship.
- I sometimes push people away. Sometimes I end up pushing away my partner out of fear of him leaving. It’s like I’m so scared he’s going to hurt me that I’d rather save myself from the possibility. Sadly, this also ruins the possibility of an amazing, happy relationship.
- I’m trying so hard to be the strong woman. I don’t like feeling vulnerable or depending on someone. It feels so risky that sometimes it makes me want to be the strong woman who doesn’t need love. The problem is this makes me defensive and bitter, closed up to opportunities, which is so much worse than falling in love. I don’t want to be that person.
- I need to choose love, not fear. Sure, I might love the guy, but my actions are all out of fear. And the funny thing about fear is that the more I fear something, the more I attract it. I fear the guy changing or breaking up with me and my actions start to cause this to happen. If I could just focus on the good things in the relationship and things would be so much better.
