The scary thing about the desperate vibes you’re sending to guys is that you might not even realize you’re guilty of them. Now, while you should never let what a guy thinks of you control who you are, you don’t want to make him think you’re needy or clingy. Why? Because you’re so much bigger than that. With that in mind, here are the signs that make him think you’re a desperate woman even though you’re not.
- You double or triple text. Who hasn’t sent a double text before? It’s no big deal, but it is a problem when you’re doing it all the time. While double texting used to be done out of worry that your texts weren’t reaching your crush’s phone, those days are long gone. Nowadays, a double or triple text is really saying, “Hey, why aren’t you replying to me?” If he isn’t replying to you, then you shouldn’t have to send him more texts. He’s sending you a clear message by not answering.
- You let him decide everything. While you might think it’s cool for him to choose where you go for dates and what you do during your time together, it’s annoying if you’re indecisive all the time. It also gives him the idea that you’re waiting for him to take the lead on everything. You’ve got your own thoughts and opinions and he wants to know about them. He doesn’t want to feel like you’re trying to be a clone of him.
- You keep asking him if he’s cool. When you like someone, it’s normal to want to know what they’re thinking and feeling all the time. That’s fine, but asking him if he’s cool and everything’s cool, or if he’s having a good time on your date can make him feel like you’re a psychologist or his mother. Ew. Stop trying to get into his head too much, too fast.
- You confirm dates ahead of time. Conforming dates before they happen is a good thing. Hey, you’ve got things to do and don’t want to waste your time getting ready for a date only to end up getting stood up. But, if you’re checking in with him days before the date and double-checking that it’s still on, it might seem like you’re a bit too eager. The problem with this is that it seems like you’re doing nothing but waiting for the date to come around. You’re a busy woman with plenty going on – making him think you’re desperate to hang out is just not right.
- You show your interest with dollars. You just started dating the guy. You were walking past a bookshop and saw his favorite novel so you bought him a special copy of it. While this is thoughtful and shows him that you’re into him, it can be OTT to buy him gifts if you’ve just met. It’s like you’re trying to buy his love or something.
- You’re a social media stalker. You return home from your first date and connect with the guy on all socials. While this might be cool if you guys connected really well on your date, even then it’s probably a bit too much. Imagine going home and receiving all those new friend and follower notifications. Yup, it’s a tad too much.
- You’re there when he calls. You’re always available when he calls you and wants to see you. You’re never too busy for him. While that’s awesome because you want to be around him all the time, after a while of this he’s going to wonder if your life is empty without him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of thinking that. You have a full, wonderful life without him and he shouldn’t take you away from everything else you love. If he thinks you’re a desperate woman, he’s certainly misreading the signs.
- You surprise him at work. It might look cute in those lame romcoms, but surprising the person you’ve just started dating can be a bit too much too soon. If you show up at his place of work, it’s a little stalkerish – even if you bring him his favorite Starbucks coffee.
- You tell him your life story. You might feel so comfortable around him that you want to spill out all your secrets, life goals, dreams, funny family stories, and more. While that’s great, there’s something to be said about maintaining a bit of mystery. Love’s a slow burn. Take your time to get to know each other instead of finishing the story so fast that you don’t have time to enjoy it. If you’re spewing out your life story the second you meet him, he might think you’re bit lonely and needy, like someone who starts talking to random strangers at the supermarket.
- You talk about how much you want kids. There’s no shame in knowing what you want out of your relationship and that you want to get married and have kids, but he doesn’t need to know everything about how badly you want kids if you’ve just met each other. It might put pressure on the whole first-date setting because he’ll be wondering if you’re in a rush to hit all your dating milestones – or waiting for him to be your baby-making machine.
- You assume there’s another date on the cards. When the date comes to an end, you tell him that you’ve already planned a picnic for you both to enjoy or bought concert tickets for the weekend. Um, what? This is quite presumptuous and tells the guy that you like him so much you’re already planning future outings together. It also doesn’t give the relationship the chance to develop naturally. It’s like you want to control everything, which can be seen as clingy.
You’re not a desperate woman, so when you notice that you’re giving off the signs that you might be, it’s time to reassess.