Signs He’s Never Going To Be Your Boyfriend No Matter How Much You Like Him

It hurts like hell to put yourself out there and get the feels for someone, only to suspect that they’re not interested in anything serious. But, better to know as soon as possible instead of wasting your time, right? However, don’t fall into the trap of acknowledging the red flags he’s giving you but holding onto hope that things will change or he’ll come around. He’s not coming around! Here are 14 signs that he’s never going to be your boyfriend and your love won’t change him.

  1. He’s a private messager. Although he messages you on social media, it’s always private messages. He never makes it known on his timelines who you are or that he’s dating you. If you write something on his timeline, he’ll reply via private message. It’s all hush-hush with this guy.
  2. His front door leads to the bedroom. Whenever you go visit him at his home, he always takes you straight to the bedroom. You don’t even know what flooring or cabinets exist in the kitchen because he’s rushed you through his apartment like you were trying to escape a fire.
  3. He pulls out the “it’s complicated” card. Whenever you want to talk about relationships in general to get a feel for where he’s at, ask him why he hasn’t deleted his Tinder profile, or ask him why you can never see him on Saturday nights, he’ll tell you “it’s complicated.” What, like that’s an actual excuse? Listen, any guy who isn’t clear with you about his feelings and can’t answer a few simple questions is not going to let you in.
  4. He’s only flirtatious in private. When you’re alone together, he’s all charm and sexy eyes. When you’re in public, or his friends pitch up, he’ll act cold towards you. WTF? It’s clear that he doesn’t want to make people think you guys are together, which sucks. Do you want to be his secret on the side?
  5. He mocks relationships. When you’re walking through the park and see a cute couple, he’ll make some judgmental comments about them. He even mocks his friends who’ve been coupled up or are heading to the aisle. This is quite telling. He could even be doing this to show you that there’s no hope for a long-term thing with him, so stop holding your breath.
  6. He asks you out then rushes through the date. You thought he obviously liked you because he asked you out for coffee. Once there, he rushes through ordering and tells you that he’s had an emergency situation at work that he has to attend to, or his phone conveniently rings so he has to dash. Hmmm. If he doesn’t have time for you, what are you even doing with him?
  7. His ex-files are bolted shut. A guy who likes you is going to want to open up to you about his past, so it’s a bit dodgy if he never has anything to say about his ex-girlfriends. What happened in those relationships that he doesn’t want to share? Is he scared that if you find out he cheated on all his exes or was a shitty boyfriend in some other way you’ll run in the other direction?
  8. He doesn’t engage in meaningful chats. While you might laugh a lot when spending time with the guy, you don’t have really deep conversations. This is very telling because it shows that he’s not keen on getting to know you on a deeper emotional level. It’s all surface chats. He wants to have fun, period.
  9. He waits for you to make moves. How regularly does this guy call or text you? If you’re usually the one who initiates conversation, that shows he’s not as invested or interested in the relationship as you are. Try backing off a bit to see what he does. Let him miss you! He’s never going to be your boyfriend if you’re doing all the work.
  10. He’s become a different guy. Maybe he was super-chilled and charming when you met him but now he’s changed. He might be moody or wishy-washy, sending you mixed messages. It’s clear that he was putting on an act at the start of the relationship, but his mask is slipping. He’s not a reliable boyfriend and you shouldn’t put your hope in him becoming the guy he was when you first met him. That guy doesn’t exist.
  11. He has to ask you to trust him. You like him but you’re not sure if you can trust him. If he has to ask you to trust him, that’s a bad sign he’s not actually showing you he’s trustworthy. Show, don’t tell! If the feeling inside you that he’s not trustworthy doesn’t go away no matter what he does and how he tries to reassure you, you should listen to that inner voice.
  12. He treats you like a friend. Sometimes he treats you like you’re his friend, not a potential girlfriend. He might call you “buddy,” slap your back, or confide in you about his latest dating adventures. Wait, what? You’ve been friend-zoned, even if he does invite you back to his place.
  13. He doesn’t care about you outside of the relationship. While he might be interested in you when you’re hanging out at the coffee shop or restaurant together, he doesn’t really show interest in your greater life, like what your passions are or what your friendships are like.
  14. He’s a different person around his friends. If he seems to have so much more fun when his friends are around, instead of on one-on-one dates with you, that should tell you something. Perhaps he’s having fun for now but there’s no solid connection between you. Forget about having a real, long-term relationship with this guy. It ain’t going to happen. Sorry, he’s never going to be your boyfriend.


Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.