13 Signs You May Be Turning Every Conversation Into A Competition

13 Signs You May Be Turning Every Conversation Into A Competition

1. You often resort to oneupmanship.

Multi-ethnic group of smiling young people talking outdoors in the city

You know the type, right? Someone shares a cool story, and bam, you’ve got something even cooler. It’s like your life’s a constant game of ‘Can You Top This?’ Your friends mention a weekend trip, and suddenly you’re recounting your month-long trek through the Amazon. It’s not that you’re not interesting, but every convo doesn’t need to be a highlight reel of your life.

2. Winning isn’t everything, but sometimes you think it is.

Ever find yourself turning a casual chat into a debate championship? Whether it’s about the best pizza topping or the latest movie, you’ve got to come out on top. It’s not just about sharing opinions; it’s about proving yours is the best. This can make chill hangouts feel like you’re in the finals of a debating contest, which can be a bit much for a Tuesday night.

3. You tend to keep score in conversations.

Remember when your friend mentioned their weekend baking experiment, and you immediately recalled the three-tier cake you made last month? It’s like there’s a scoreboard in your head, and you’re always leading. Every conversation turns into a contest of who’s done more, seen more, or knows more. It’s fun to share achievements, but not everything is a competition.

4. You often have “but actually” syndrome.

Time for coffee. Happy woman in denim overalls sitting in cafe near large window and man in apron with jug of coffee

Someone says something, and you jump in with a ‘but actually’ to correct them or add your two cents. It’s not always about being right; sometimes it’s just about being heard. But if you’re always on the lookout to correct or one-up, it can turn friendly banter into a fact-checking mission.

5. Your stories tend to steal the spotlight.

Closeup front view portrait of a happy couple on a rustic porch swing at a vacation house. They are having some tea and casual conversation.

So, your friend is sharing a funny story about their cat, and suddenly you’re launching into an epic tale about how you saved a stray dog in a storm. Cool story, but did it have to overshadow your friend’s moment? It’s like you’ve got this internal spotlight that always swings your way, turning a group chat into your solo show.

6. You struggle to listen without planning your response.

Young couple enjoy lunch at a restaurant and drink wine

Ever catch yourself half-listening to someone because you’re too busy crafting your epic reply? It’s a common habit, but in your case, it’s like you’re preparing for a speech competition. While it’s great to be engaged, conversations are about exchange, not just waiting for your turn to impress. Sometimes, just listening can be more powerful than the perfect comeback.

7. You’re always ready for a challenge even when there isn’t one.

Shot of a happy young couple sharing a high five

Picture this: your buddy’s just casually mentioning their new hobby, and suddenly you’re all about showing off your skills in that area. It’s as if every conversation is an unspoken challenge to prove who’s more talented or experienced. Sharing interests is cool, but turning a friendly chat into an impromptu competition can be a bit intense.

8. You usually love to have the last word.

Selfie group of lesbian couple cheers and having fun. Multiracial happy girlfriends drinking and toasting cocktails at brewery bar enjoying together. High quality photo

In every conversation, you feel the need to have the final say. It doesn’t matter if the topic is trivial or serious; you’re not satisfied until you’ve put in your concluding remarks. This can make conversations feel less like a two-way street and more like a lecture where you’re the only speaker with a valid point.

9. You tend to focus on facts over feelings.

When someone’s sharing how they feel about something, you tend to steer the conversation towards hard facts and logic. While being factual is great, ignoring the emotional aspect can make the chat feel cold and impersonal. Conversations are not just about what’s right or wrong, but also about understanding and relating to each other’s feelings.

10. You rarely acknowledge other people’s opinions.

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In discussions, you often dismiss or overlook what the other person is saying, especially if it doesn’t align with your views. It’s not about understanding their perspective; it’s more about asserting your own. This can make your friends feel unheard and undervalued, turning a friendly discussion into a monologue.

11. You often change the topic to talk about what you want to discuss.

Whenever someone brings up a subject, you have a knack for steering the conversation towards something that interests you more. It’s not that you’re not interested in what they have to say; it’s just that you find your topics more engaging. This can leave your friends feeling like their interests and stories aren’t worth your time.

12. You sometimes use conversations to showcase your knowledge.

Whether it’s a new scientific discovery or a historical fact, you find a way to weave your vast knowledge into every conversation. It’s great to be well-informed, but not every chat needs to turn into a trivia quiz. This can make your friends feel more like an audience than participants in a dialogue.

13. You might find it tough to admit when you don’t know something.

In conversations, admitting ignorance isn’t your style. Even when you’re not fully clued up on a topic, you find a way to contribute as if you’re an expert. This can lead to misinformation and also prevent a potentially interesting learning experience for both you and your conversation partner.

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Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.
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