Not a lot of people want the risk of dating just one person. They want back-ups just in case the one they really love leaves them blindsided. No one wants to be hurt, which is why it’s such a scary time to look for a relationship. You need to be vigilant, so you can void becoming the side chick. Do you think you’re dating someone who’s dating other people? Here are the signs you might be his side chick, as well as a reality check on whether or not the man you’re with will ever fall in love with you.
- You Have Low Expectations. You’re impressed when he does something as small as wish you a good night. That’s a problem! Your expectations should be higher than that, and they would if you weren’t his side chick. But, he’s set the bar low… very low. And because of that, all he has to do is respond to your texts and you feel butterflies.
- He Leaves Right After Sex. He doesn’t stay and talk after sex. And there’s absolutely no snuggling. The second he’s done, he gets dressed and leaves without a second thought. Do you want to know why he’s in such a rush? Two possibilities. Either he needs to get back to his girlfriend or he doesn’t want to spend the night with you. Which one’s worse?
- He’s Secretive. You don’t know anything about him. Does he have siblings? Is he unemployed? Does he own a home? You have no idea and not for lack of trying. You’ve asked questions, he just never answers. Instead of letting you in, he keeps you at arm’s length. He’s not looking at you in a long-term girlfriend kind of way, so why would he tell you his secrets?
- You Only See Him At Night. Do you only see him after the sun goes down? That’s a pretty clear sign you’re his side chick. If you were someone he actually liked, he’d make time for you during the day. Whether that was taking you to brunch on Sunday or hitting up a farmer’s market. Your meet-ups wouldn’t be restricted to after-hour events.
- He Keeps You Happy With The Bare Minimum. He knows to keep you, you have to stay interested in him. That’s why he showers you with compliments and that million-dollar smile of his. The second you start to distance yourself is when he acts interested. He understands how women think and he’s not afraid to use his knowledge to manipulate you.
- He’s Stingy With Money. You’ve been seeing each other for a while now, and he’s spent a total of $0 on you. Makes sense. Guys with side chicks don’t usually have the budget to treat every one of their ladies. And unfortunately, you didn’t make the cut. He’s got to cut costs somewhere, which explains why you’re always the one paying for Postmates.
- He Doesn’t Take You On Dates. You don’t get “date nights,” you get “after-thought nights.” He only hangs out with you when his plans fall through, which rarely happens because he keeps a packed schedule. The worst part? He has no shame! He calls you at 10 pm and asks to “come over” without even apologizing for the late-night phone call. This is disrespect at its finest and a pretty huge sign that you’re his side chick.
- He Avoids Any “Boyfriend” Duties. He refuses to be your plus-one to weddings and he won’t go to your friend’s dinner parties. He says he likes you, but his actions speak louder than his words. If he liked you, he’d act like a boyfriend and not a stranger you met on the street. Sorry, but you’re likely his side chick.
- He Keeps Things Short. He doesn’t seem to like spending too much time with you. Even when you’re together, he leaves after an hour. That’s sketchy and a pretty clear sign you’re his side chick. He’s not spending a lot of time with you because he’s putting his time and effort into other things…or other people. Don’t be fooled.
- He’s incredibly confusing. He’s made it pretty clear he’s not a fan of titles. But, he uses them. Sometimes, he refers to you as his girlfriend. Other times, he calls you a friend. He leads you on with his back-and-forth titles and doesn’t seem to care. The truth is, if he wanted you, you’d know. There wouldn’t be any doubt on either of your parts.
- He Doesn’t Like PDA. He avoids anything that could possibly look like PDA. If you graze his back while walking in public, he flinches. If you try to hold his hand in a movie theater, he quickly moves it back to his lap. He won’t kiss you, hug you, or touch you in a crowded room. It’s almost like he’s afraid someone will see him with you. Hmm, wonder why?
- He Forgets The Little Things. You’ve shared your life with him. You’ve opened up and told him your hopes and dreams. And what has he done with that information? Forgotten it. He constantly asks the same questions and doesn’t even try to remember your best friend’s name. He doesn’t care enough about you to remember facts and details of your life. That’s a sign you’re not important to him, and that’s because you’re his side chick.
- He Cancels Plans. He’s always down to make plans, but he rarely follows through — and he doesn’t have the decency to cancel ahead of time. Whenever you reach out, he says, “Sorry dude! My buddies want me to go out with them and I can’t let them down.” You know you’re his side chick when his idea of a good time is spending quality time with other people.
What to do if you think you might be his side chick
It can be devastating to realize you’re not the only woman in your partner’s life. If you relate to more than a few of the above signs and think you might be your boyfriend’s side chick rather than his actual girlfriend, don’t panic. Here’s what to do instead.
- Do some investigation. Circumstantial evidence isn’t necessarily proof, and you don’t want to jump to conclusions when there could be a totally logical explanation for what’s going on. While I certainly wouldn’t advocate snooping through his phone or hacking into his email, you can look for concrete proof that you’re his side chick. For instance, if he tells you he’s staying late at work, maybe give him a ring at some point in the evening just to say hello. Pay close attention to any inconsistencies in his story and note them down, even mentally, to confront him about later.
- Trust your gut. Whether or not you have concrete proof that you’re his side chick, if your gut is telling you that something is wrong and that there’s another woman (or multiple women) in his life, you’re probably right. Even if you’re not, you’ll never be able to settle in the relationship or trust that you’re the only one for him. Don’t second-guess yourself.
- Start distancing yourself slowly. While you might be hesitant to shut things down right away even if you’re his side chick, you know the relationship needs to end, so it’s important to take steps to distance yourself. Instead of spending all your time with him, start spending more time with your friends, pursuing your hobbies, hitting up the gym, or basically anything but investing more energy into being his side chick.
- Don’t settle for side chick status. If you really like the guy, you might be tempted to stick around and keep seeing him even though you know you’re not the only person in his life. Don’t do it! Not only are you severely selling yourself short but you’re also knowingly hurting someone else. Chances are, his actual girlfriend doesn’t know you’re in his life and would be devastated if she found out. Do the right thing for both of you and get out of the situation.
Can a man fall in love with his side chick?
You might be tempted to keep your relationship with him going because there’s something real between you. You believe you connect on a much deeper level and that it’s about more than sex. While that might be true, even if the taken man you’re seeing does fall in love with you, you’re still his side chick. The chances of him leaving his primary partner for you are pretty slim.
That being said, even if he does end his other relationship to be with you, is that really how you want to start a relationship? If he can cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you. You’re better off keeping your self-worth and dignity intact and walking away now.