You might have found yourself duped by a manipulator and blamed yourself for falling for the act. The truth is, these people are usually so charming that most people can’t see through them, so it’s not your fault. Here are some warning signs that someone has a cunning, manipulative personality to watch out for next time.
1. They Ask A Lot Of Personal Questions Or Get You To Open Up.
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Manipulators are constantly looking for ammunition to use against others. Maybe they’ll ask you a lot of personal questions or lead the conversation in a way that you can’t help but open up. Once they find a weakness, you can guarantee they’ll bring it up to control you.
2. They Use A Lot Of “Therapy Speak.”
It’s fantastic that mental health is less stigmatized these days. Sadly, as “therapy speak” has become more common, it’s been weaponized by bad people. Thinks terms like “triggered,” “love bombing,” “gaslighting” or “trauma bonding” being thrown around by people in ways that suggest they don’t actually understand what these words mean. Some of this is genuine ignorance, but a cunning manipulator knows they’re wrong and will still try to argue that you shouldn’t be upset with them ever because that’s a boundary or disagreeing with them about anything is gaslighting.
3. They’re Charming.
Generally, cunning manipulators are incredibly charismatic. They wouldn’t get away with anything otherwise. Manipulators might be nice to everyone but you, so if you say something, you won’t be believed. Of course, they’re not actually being sincere to anyone, but they do a good job of pretending to be. That’s not to say everyone whose charming is a red flag, so watch out for the other signs too.
4. They Claim To Be Logical.
They’re extremely cold in the face of crisis, or when you’re upset. While they may not raise their voice at you if you try to discuss their poor behavior, they will break you down by insisting that you’re too emotional.
5. They Guilt Trip You.
Whenever you say no or disappoint a manipulator, they make you feel terrible, even for little things, like not being able to see them because you already have plans. In extreme cases, they have you terrified of leaving them because they’ve threatened to harm themselves.
6. They Play The Victim.
Manipulators will try to convince you (and perhaps even themselves) that they’re always the victim. If you try to leave, they’ll probably say something like “That’s okay, everyone leaves me eventually,” in the hopes you’ll feel bad and change your mind. They can dish out criticism to everyone else, but the second someone matches their energy, they fall apart.
7. They Won’t Stop Talking About How “Nice” They Are.
Manipulators constantly remind everyone of how “nice” or “just” they are. Never believe people are who they tell you they are, believe who they show you they are. Genuinely nice people won’t feel the need to constantly remind everyone of how nice they are. They trust others to come to that conclusion themselves based on their actions.
8. They Lay On The Compliments At First.
When you first meet a cunning manipulator, they go out of their way to make you feel special. They constantly compliment you and might even give you gifts. While it’s true that people present the best version of themselves to someone they just met, a manipulative person might come off a lot stronger. They can’t maintain the act for long, and you’ll notice their true colors coming out. Of course, whenever they suspect you’ll leave, they’ll briefly turn the nice act back on to make you doubt yourself.
9. They Try To Confuse You.
If you try to address something, they’ll talk around the subject and go on a long tangent using vocabulary only an English literature professor would use (especially when they never normally speak like that). Not only do they want to make you doubt your intelligence, but they’re hoping you’ll get so flustered you’ll forget what you were even talking about.
10. They Give You The Silent Treatment.
The silent treatment is an incredibly immature way to deal with conflict. For most people, if they’re too upset to talk about something that happened, they’ll verbalize this and excuse themselves, so they can return to the conversation when they can think straight. A manipulator will give you the silent treatment to make you feel bad, because they enjoy watching you panic, and in the hopes you’ll continue to try to talk to them and reveal something they can use against you.
11. They Play Dumb.
A manipulator will have already proven that they’re smart, but once you confront them about anything, they’ll act clueless. Even the most reasonable boundaries will all of a sudden be incomprehensible to them. You could accuse them of gaslighting you, and they would hit back with “How could I gaslight you when I don’t even know what that word means?”
12. They Twist Your Words.
A manipulator will do their best to make you look like the bad guy. You could say one thing, and they’ll act like you said something completely different that makes you sound like the unreasonable one. This isn’t a misunderstanding, they’re deliberately being obtuse.
13. They’re Hypocritical.
Manipulators hold themselves to a completely different standard than everyone else. They might have gotten mad because of something you did, but believe they have a free pass or an excuse to do the same thing later.
14. They Feign Concern.
Whenever they can sense you’re growing tired of their behavior (or you might have confronted them) a manipulator will start acting like you have a problem. They’ll suggest you must be struggling with your mental health and need to see someone because you don’t happily accept their shenanigans or that you’re crazy for expecting to be treated with respect. Your mental health probably was better before you met, but they’ll never admit to themselves that they’re the one who broke you down.
15. They Claim Everyone Who Left Them Is A Terrible Person.
Sure, some people have bad luck in relationships or struggle to connect with others. With that said, a manipulator usually can’t hold down friendships or relationships for very long. They have a huge list of enemies and are adamant every single one of them was the problem. The difference between them and someone sincere is that most people would at least reflect and consider that they may be the problem if they continuously struggled to keep people in their lives.
16. They Claim Manipulation Isn’t Real.
The most frightening sign of a manipulator is that before they start acting up, they’ll try to convince you, and maybe others, that the likes of manipulation, gaslighting, or emotional abuse, aren’t real. Maybe they’ll say things like “You weren’t held at gunpoint, no one can make you do anything.” This puts the idea in your head, that you can’t challenge them.
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