You might think your relationship is solid, but sometimes the warning signs aren’t as obvious as constant fighting or giving the silent treatment. Even if things seem fine on the surface, there could be underlying problems quietly chipping away at your bond. These red flags suggest your relationship might be in trouble, even if you’re not ready to face it yet.
1. You’re on social media during quality time.
Think about your last date night. Were you really present, making eye contact and sharing stories about your day? Or were you scrolling through your phone, half-listening? It’s easy to get distracted by our devices, but that’s a sign you’re not truly connected with your partner. Make a conscious effort to put away distractions and really spend quality time focused on each other.
2. You’re physically intimate often, but there’s a lack of emotional intimacy.
Just because you and your partner have a great time in the bedroom, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in a good place. If the physical intimacy isn’t backed by emotional closeness — think showing appreciation for each other and being vulnerable with each other — it’s just a physical connection.
3. Your partner’s not as available to you as they used to be.
Has your partner’s availability changed lately? Maybe they’re working late more often or seem busier with friends. A shift in availability can be a cause for concern. It doesn’t always mean something bad, but it’s worth a conversation. Talk to them honestly and openly about how you both feel about the amount of quality time you’re spending together.
4. You don’t do anything together.
When’s the last time you and your partner had a proper date? Not just takeout on the couch, but something special? Getting out and doing stuff together is how you keep things fun and interesting. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it’s important to ditch the same old routine and plan an outing you’ll both enjoy.
5. You have to repeat questions you ask your partner.
When you talk to your partner, you might feel a disconnect if you’re always forced to repeat what you say to them because they’re just not paying attention. It’s frustrating, but don’t write it off as something that just happens. It’s a red flag that they’re tuning out of the relationship.
6. Your partner tells you the conversation is boring.
Trying to share your day with your partner only to get a dismissive “that’s boring” – ugh, that sucks. That’s more than just an insensitive comment. It might be a sign that they’re critical of you and trying to make you feel small (or just that they’re checked out of the relationship). Either way, this isn’t a good sign.
7. You don’t laugh together anymore.
Relationships need laughter, and lots of it. Couples should be making each other belly laugh on the regular. If it’s been all serious talks and zero silliness lately, something’s off. Maybe stress is the culprit, or maybe you guys need to remember to let loose and have fun together.
8. Your partner’s hoarding negative energy.
If your partner always seems negative around you, this is problematic. Maybe they’re gloomy about life in general and complaining a lot, which brings down your mood. Or, maybe they’re just negative around you and a ray of sunshine around other people. This is even more of an issue because it says there’s something wrong with the relationship.
9. You feel anxious when your partner goes out with friends.
While you never thought you had trust issues in your relationship, lately you’re feeling a bit anxious or restless when your partner goes out with other people while you’re at home. This is a sign you need to pay attention to your feelings and why they’re there. Some trust-related issues could be brewing, whether or not there’s a reason for it.
10. Your partner seems jealous of you.
Is your partner supportive of your achievements… or do they get a little twitchy? Subtle signs of jealousy can creep in, like seeming unhappy when you celebrate a win at work. Or they could try to downplay your goals and focus on reasons why things might not work out. Healthy couples celebrate each other – watch out if that competitive vibe has turned toxic.
11. You’re biting your tongue a lot.
When your partner says something to offend or hurt you, you might struggle to express how you feel. However, if you’re always biting your tongue because you don’t want to end up in yet another fight, this could mean you’re not feeling safe to express yourself. The result? You’re not being authentic.
12. You’re tired of saying sorry.
If you’re always the one who apologizes after a fight or when your partner’s upset, this is a sign of some imbalance in the relationship. Maybe you feel like you have to apologize even if you haven’t done something wrong because your partner always blames you for everything.
13. You don’t feel like telling them about a success.
When something great happens to you, do you feel excited to tell your partner? If you pause and think about it before calling them, something’s holding you back. Maybe you don’t feel like your partner’s fully supportive of you or that they’ll just temper your excitement by pointing out potential downsides.
14. You have to convince them about the value of your goals.
You know what you want to achieve in life, but you shouldn’t feel like you have to keep explaining to your partner why your goals are important to you. They could be picking your dreams apart all the time because they’re critical or controlling of you, which is abusive and definitely not okay.
15. Your friends can’t stand your partner.
If you’ve been dating for a long time but your friends still don’t like your partner (and it’s all of them, not just one person), then you should pay attention. There’s clearly something there that they can’t brush aside, and maybe they’re seeing something wrong in your relationship that you’re totally missing.
16. Your fighting leaves you feeling hurt and lost.
After having a fight with your partner, you should feel like things have been resolved. You might be a bit hurt or need some time to lick your wounds, but you shouldn’t feel worse than before the fight occurred. If you’re feeling lost or the emotional pain doesn’t go away, issues are snowballing instead of being resolved.
17. Your partner doesn’t get when you’re upset.
If you’ve been offended by someone outside of the relationship, whether your partner’s dad or your frenemy, you want to be able to talk to your partner about it. They don’t always have to take your side, but they should acknowledge and respect your feelings about the situation. If not, the relationship lacks emotional support.
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