If You’re Still Hung Up On Your Ex, Please Stay Away from Me

If you still haven’t recovered from your last relationship and you’re not totally over your ex, then it doesn’t matter how interested in me you are. You might think I’m the love of your life, but until your last love is behind you, you seriously have no business with me — or dating in general.

  1. I won’t be used just so you can get over someone else. You might think that being with someone will help you stop thinking about someone else, but I won’t let a man use me like that. If you’re going to be with me, then I need you to be fully committed to me for no other reason than that you like me for exactly who I am. I won’t date a man with ulterior motives.
  2. I refuse to be a rebound. If you settle for me because you can’t have her, then I’m settling for a life with a man who doesn’t truly want me. I deserve better than that. I deserve true love. I don’t want to be the girl you bounce back to because you didn’t make the basket with someone else.
  3. I want to be the only woman in your heart. Is that really so much to ask? I don’t just want a piece of a man’s heart — I want all of it. If you can’t give me 100% then I’d rather you not give me anything at all. There’s no room for two of us in there, so until you’re over her, I won’t let any of that space be occupied by me.
  4. If you’re still into her, then you’re not ready for me. I won’t be your second-choice consolation prize because your first choice doesn’t want you anymore. I want a man who isn’t still carrying around baggage from someone else. I’m a relationship girl, and I know that if you’re still into her then you’re not ready for the time and dedication of something real or serious with me.
  5. I can’t heal you, and it’s not my responsibility to try. Only time can do that. You need to learn how to be a whole person on your own. Jumping from relationship to relationship just isn’t healthy. I don’t want a man who’s injured; if you want to be with me then you need to work on healing yourself first. I know I can’t fix you, and that’s why I won’t try.
  6. I won’t get you ready for the girl who comes next. If I’m the girl who helps you get over someone else, I’ll also be the girl who helps you move on to someone new — someone who isn’t me. I can’t work to help you feel better just so you can ditch me when you’re done feeling sorry for yourself. I have too much self-respect to put myself in a situation like that.
  7. I know what it’s like to be broken-hearted. I’ve been through heartbreak, and that’s why I know that if you’re not over your ex then you can’t be with me. After my breakups, I needed time to heal. I needed to learn from my mistakes and figure out who I was on my own. I needed to be alone so that I could heal, and I know that’s exactly what you need.
  8. You wouldn’t be able to fully appreciate me. How could you when you’re still thinking about her? Sure, you’ll feel grateful that you’re not alone, but that’s not the same as feeling lucky to have found me. If you’re still into her, then some part of you is wishing I was her and not me.
  9. I won’t let an ex be a part of my love story. My love story shouldn’t start with the man of my dreams being in love with someone else. I’m not interested in a love triangle — that kind of drama just isn’t for me. I’m looking for a fairytale, not the complications of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
  10. I would never be able to trust you. Why? Because I’ll always worry and wonder if you’re still thinking of her. You might tell me that you’re over her, but wouldn’t any guy say that just to make a woman stay? If I can’t trust that you love me and only me, then I just can’t be with you. It’s not worth the worry or the risk.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.