Stop Texting Guys Who Will Never Be Anything To You

When you’re single, it can be fun to have a couple of guys you can text throughout the day to pass the time. But sometimes, that attention becomes addicting, and before you know it, you’ve ended up in ten ongoing conversations with ten different guys you really have no romantic or sexual interest in. You may think it’s a good idea to keep these guys on rotation in your inbox, but here’s why it’s not:

  1. You’re wasting your time. There are so many more productive things you could be doing instead of texting men you know there’s no future with. Like, pretty much anything. Sending the occasional text might not seem like it takes up a whole lot of your day, but it adds up. Text your BFFs or parents instead since you know they’ll actually be in your life next month, or use that time to swipe around on Tinder so you actually have a chance of finding someone worth your while.
  2. You’re leading them on. Yeah, guys do this to us too, but do you really want to stoop to that level? When you’re texting someone day in and day out, it’s natural to assume they might want some kind of a relationship with you, whether casual or serious. By continuing to text these dudes when you know that deep down all you want is attention, you might be helping to get there hopes up for something that will never happen.
  3. You’re creating an illusion for yourself. Texting guys you know there’s no chance of a future with is just helping to build an elaborate lie to yourself inside your own mind. Even if you’re just chatting with a guy out of boredom or loneliness, over time all those talks can start to convince you that your love life is getting more successful. The problem is you’re going to end up just as lonely and bored as you were before if none of these dudes are actually a good fit for you.
  4. You should wait for someone who deserves the effort. There’s nothing wrong with texting a guy for a bit to test the waters and see if he’s right for you — that’s part of dating in the modern world. But rather than chatting up every guy who gives you his number, you’ll be a lot happier if you reserve your texting time for guys you’re actually, truly interested in. It may take a while to find someone who’s worth it, but the patience will pay off way more than texting ten guys you couldn’t care less about.
  5. It devalues the “textationship.” Having someone you text on the regular can be fun. It’s a special feeling when your phone buzzes and you get that flutter of excitement in your stomach knowing that it’s that one person you’ve been waiting to hear from all day. When you’re constantly in the middle of texting a bunch of different guys you’re not even invested in, though, that little rush is rarely there. If that’s not a big deal to you, then carry on, but be prepared for all that screen tapping to lose its luster after a while.
  6. You’ll have to deal with a lot of cleanup. Some people can just end textationships with a single message and be done with it, but if you’re not clear about your intentions with your multiple texting partners, you might have to answer a lot of “whys” and “what did I do wrongs” when you start to fade out or abruptly end things. If you’re the kind of woman who’s sympathetic, be prepared to deal with a lot of hurt feelings if your inbox is always filled with messages from guys you’re not all that crazy about.
  7. It’s not worth the ego boost. I don’t know many people out there who don’t like feeling attractive or text-worthy. It’s a serious self-esteem boost when you know that not one, but multiple guys want to chat with you throughout the day. But if an ego stroke is all you’re getting out of these conversations, it’s time to move on. You can find someone who strengthens your confidence AND has potential for something more than just texting if you stop focusing on the men who don’t matter to you.
  8. It can eliminate space for the right guy. No, it’s not likely in today’s age of technology that you’re literally going to run out of space in your inbox for a guy who matters, but constantly replying and flirting takes up a lot of time and energy. When you’re giving all that away to guys who definitely don’t have any kind of a future with you, it’s unlikely that you’re going to have a lot left when you actually meet a guy you DO like. Sure, you can just cut all the other guys off, but isn’t it just easier to stay in contact with dudes you actually care about?
  9. There’s no point. What end goal are you working towards here? Chances are, there really isn’t one. Everything you think you’re getting out of these textual interactions can come from other sources. Wasting your time and energy on casual text conversations with these guys might be fun for now, but it’ll be way more rewarding when you start texting a guy you actually want to talk with in person.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.