Is He Stringing You Along? 12 Signs He Doesn’t Have Good Intentions

Should you stay or go? If you notice these 12 subtle signs, your guy’s not interested in a real relationship, so you should probably cut your losses and be on your way.

  1. He’s all about that text. When he keeps lighting up your phone with messages, don’t let the regular contact assume it’s safe to go with the flow. If he was serious about you, he’d want to see you in real life. He wouldn’t expect you to be satisfied with texts, no matter how deep and flirtatious they are.
  2. He goes with how he feels in the moment. He can go from texting you all the time to not making any contact for a whole week. Clearly he’s only interested in chatting when it’s convenient. If he can’t be consistent, it’s a bad sign he’s not looking for something real. And, if he calls himself a “bad texter,” that’s not a good enough reason to wait around for when he feels like making contact. Jerk.
  3. He’s “thinking about” a relationship with you. He says that he’s currently thinking about dating you officially or he’s considering having an exclusive relationship with you but he needs more time or he needs to sort out his life. Whatever. The guy’s just hoping to keep you around without asking questions. A-hole. Honestly, what’s there for him to think about?
  4. He leaves it up to you to initiate contact. He seems happy to chat, but there’s a catch—he’s rarely the one to initiate contact. He always waits for you to do it. Guys who are stringing you along like going with the flow. They’ll talk to you when you want to talk but won’t make much effort.
  5. He leaves you hanging. When you meet him for a date out, you can’t help but worry he might not turn up since he always seems to leave you hanging. He says he’ll get back to you about potential dates and then forgets about them. He might even stand you up and then apologize profusely later (along with sending you a bunch of roses to sweeten you up again). Ugh. Admit it, deep down, you just don’t feel like you can depend on this guy.
  6. He’s always rushing into sex when you’re together. He says he’s nuts about you and can’t wait to be with you, but it’s clearly his libido talking. Although sex with him is passionate, that’s all it is. He doesn’t have the same enthusiasm when your clothes are on and you’re trying to have a conversation about your life dreams. He might even try to distract you with sex when you want to talk.
  7. He’s weird around your loved ones. When he hangs out with you and your friends, he gets quiet, uncomfortable, or just moody. He might wince when you talk about him in a positive way or when you touch him. It’s like he’s afraid that if he joins in and acts like your boyfriend in front of your friends, you’ll think he wants to be a real couple. Damn, is that so much to ask? You deserve nothing less! He might later say that he’s just really shy, but even if that’s true, if he’s serious about you, he’ll still give off nice vibes to other people in your life. He won’t make the whole occasion feel uncomfortable.
  8. He rejects your compliments. When you tell him how awesome or kind he is, he dismisses your compliments. Sure, it’s normal sometimes to get shy about receiving a compliment, but if he always says he’s not those great things you’re calling him, this could be a sign that he doesn’t want you to like him too much. He’d prefer to keep things casual. Ugh.
  9. He’s a plan-o-phobe. When you invite him to your BFF’s birthday party in two weeks’ time, he says, “I’m not much of a planner” or, “Let’s just see what happens.” This leaves you feeling like you never know if he’ll actually want to see you or not. This is a definite sign he’s stringing you along.
  10. He gets serious… when you move on. The minute you stop giving him attention, this guy will increase his efforts to show you that he’s really serious about you. He might also do this out of fear that you’ve met someone else. His sudden romantic behavior might make you want to believe he’s serious about you, but chances are you’ll get back with him and see him go back to his old habits within a day or two.
  11. He always has “so much going on.” Yeah, whatever. A guy who’s serious about you won’t disappear from your life when he’s going through a busy period at work or he’s had a nasty bout of flu. If he can’t make you a priority on a consistent basis, then he’s not serious—and you shouldn’t be serious about him either.
  12. He’s coasting. If you’re the one giving him more time, thought, and energy than he’s giving you, beware. He might be making you think that your situation is progressing to a relationship just because he’s trying to get what he wants from you in the present time. The only thing you should be giving him is the boot.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.