11 Subtle Signs He Sees A Future With You

You’re looking for a long-term partner so you’d like to know sooner rather than later if your guy is in it for the long haul. You can ask him straight up… or you can be on the lookout for these 12 signs he sees a future with you.

  1. He plays the “what if?” game. When talking about the future, he sometimes likes to ask you “what if?” questions. For example, “What if you got a chance to move to LA—would you go?” Or, “What if you decided to get married—would you elope?” He’s asking you these things to get to know you, sure, but they have a deeper meaning. He wants to feel out how your future blends with his.
  2. He says “our” and “we.” If this wasn’t one of the most obvious signs he sees a future with you, I don’t know what is. Note how he speaks about the future and present. When he talks about things he wants to achieve, does he say, “I want to live in that house” or “I see myself starting that new job overseas”? Or, does he prefer to phrase things with “we” and “our”? The latter points to him picturing a future with you.
  3. He invites you to meet his extended family. Meeting his folks and siblings usually points to the guy being serious about you, but when he wants you to meet his estranged uncle or cousin who’s getting married (you get an invite to the wedding too?), he wants you to know everyone on his side, which means he’s locking you down into a future! A guy who sees your relationship as a short-term thing isn’t going to introduce you to everyone, even people he doesn’t really speak to often.
  4. He respects your boundaries. While it’s great to be as close as possible, one of the biggest signs he sees a future with you is when he acknowledges and accepts your boundaries, whatever they might be.  “While it is good to have open communication with each other, setting private boundaries is also an essential part of the relationship,” says dating and relationship expert Celia Schweyer. “If you and your partner exactly know when and where to stop in terms of private matters, that is an indicator that your relationship is going to last. This is simply because you respect each other’s individual lives, and as we all know, respect is one of the keys to achieving a long-lasting relationship.”
  5. He asks for your advice on big issues. When he confides in you and asks for your opinions on things that matter on the big scale, such as the type of person he wants to be and what he wants to achieve, he wants you by his side for the big future!
  6. He talks about your future self. He might say that you’d make a great mom or be a gorgeous bride. These comments might happen in passing when you’re talking about other things, but they mean a lot. This has to be one of the signs he sees a future with you, otherwise, why would he be talking like this?
  7. He’s changing himself. For the better, that is! A man who wants to rise up to your relationship expectations and be who you need to be happy is a man who’s making effort for the future. He wants to keep you around for as long as possible, preferably forever. While this is one of the signs he sees a future with you, it should be said that the healthiest relationships are ones in which both partners accept one another as they are, flaws and all. While it’s great that you inspire him to be the best version of himself, just make sure he is actually being himself rather than the person he thinks you want him to be.
  8. His behavior is consistent. He never plays you hot and cold and he certainly doesn’t go AWOL for days on end. Instead, he treats you exactly the same way — like a valuable, worthwhile person that he feels lucky to know — on a daily basis. As licensed clinical social worker Charese L. Josie, LCSW, explains: “He provides clarity of his intentions with the relationship when he calls or send text messages on a consistent basis. If he initiates some type of interaction with you daily, he is showing that you are a priority in his life.”
  9. He makes an effort with your nuts uncle. This is one of the most heartwarming signs he sees a future with you. You have some relatives that can be difficult to deal with—hey, families can be nuts—but your boyfriend never complains about them. He doesn’t try to get out of seeing them, either. He’s always willing to visit them and be respectful. This is a huge sign that he’s putting in the work to ensure that you keep him in your life.
  10. He tells you how much his family loves you. He regularly mentions that his cousin thinks you’re awesome or his dad really gets along with you. He might even go one step further to express the value you bring to his family members. Hello, this guy’s basically saying you fit into his family, so he’s obviously thinking long-term. He doesn’t just see a future with you, but all signs point to forever.
  11. He cares about what’s important to your future. He doesn’t just think of the future in terms of your relationship goals. He cares about you and what you want out of life and he supports you in how you chase down your goals. This is super important because it shows that he’s invested in things that you care about. Only a guy who’s serious about you and isn’t afraid to display signs he sees a future with you will do that.
  12. He buys you a pet. He could buy you a potted plant or a teddy bear, but if he brings home a living, breathing pet, he’s in the relationship for the long haul. It’s a huge sign that you’re extending your family. Just think: you’re going to look after it and walk it together. It’s an expression of your love for each other and a huge responsibility. Hopefully, this is one of the signs he sees a future with you, otherwise, it’s pretty presumptuous!
  13. He shares his passwords. He doesn’t have to share his passwords with you—some things can be private. But if he’s cool with sharing passwords to his social media and assets, the guy’s trust in you is on another level. He’s basically treating you like his wife.
  14. He’s an open book. One of the most telling signs that the guy sees a long-term future with you is that he’s open with you about everything. He doesn’t have to hide his friends, activities, hobbies, or anything else from you. In fact, he loves to share about his life and talk to you about what he’s feeling or thinking. Make sure you reciprocate!
  15. You feature heavily on his social media accounts. He doesn’t need to post endless couple selfies with you, but one of the most obvious signs he sees a future with you is when he’s not shy about showing you off on Instagram, Facebook, and the like. Michelle Fraley, MA, WPCC, a certified life coach, relationship expert, and professional matchmaker, tells Bustle that this is basically “the modern-day equivalent to yelling from the mountaintops.” She adds: “If your partner is sharing a lot of photos or stories highlighting your relationship, that is a clear sign that they are happy, proud of your relationship, and not leaving their window open for other relationships, which are all things that are important in creating a lasting relationship.”
  16. He’s willing to compromise. This is perhaps one of the most important signs he sees a future with you. Many people are stubborn and want things to be their way or the highway. When he’s willing to make concessions for the overall sake of the relationship, that shows his dedication. “Some people, they run into one little issue in a relationship and they just give up,” says matchmaker and Modern Dating Coach founder Laura Jacobs. “If you’ve invested in that emotional connection with your partner, it’s essential to compromise, negotiate, and communicate on all issues and not just throw in the towel when you have one little thing go wrong.”
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.