14 Subtle Signs Your Relationship Is Failing That You Might Be Missing

Sometimes a breakup can feel like it came out of nowhere. One minute, everything was peachy, and then your partner seemed to fall out of love with you overnight. The harsh truth is there may have been indicators your relationship was failing for some time – but no one communicated it properly. Here are some subtle signs your relationship is failing.

1. You’re not telling them about your life.

In a thriving relationship, your partner is the first person you want to tell when you get good or bad news. If you no longer feel like filling them in on what’s going on in your life, it could be the beginning of the end. Pay attention to how much your partner is sharing with you, too, compared to when you first got together.

2. You feel more like friends these days.

Sometimes you don’t realize your relationship is failing because you’re not arguing. A good relationship is built on having a strong friendship with your partner – but the romance shouldn’t be totally dead. If there used to be affection, butterflies, and date nights, and now you just feel like best friends who live together, the relationship may be deteriorating.

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4. You don’t miss them when they’re not around.

It’s not healthy to be co-dependent, but you should still feel some sort of attachment to your partner. If you can spend a lot of time apart and not miss each other at all, it’s not looking good.

5. You don’t look forward to dates.

We all have bad days and down patches in a relationship, but if date night literally feels like a chore, then things aren’t looking good. You won’t feel the butterflies you felt on your first date, but you should still be somewhat excited to spend some quality time together.

6. You don’t feel intimate.

Intimacy isn’t about sex; it’s about having an emotional connection. If you feel distant from your partner when you make love or cuddle, then your heart might not be in it anymore.

7. You can’t remember the last time you laughed together.

You might not be fighting, but you’re not really having a good time with each other, either. You and your partner won’t be having the time of your life every single day, but if you look back at the past few months and realize you can’t remember the last time you had a good time together, trouble could be brewing.

8. You feel alone when you’re with them.

Nothing is more lonely than being surrounded by people and feeling alone. Being in the wrong relationship can feel incredibly lonely. If you’re feeling lonely all the time – even though you live together – the relationship might be falling apart.

9. They’re starting to annoy you.

Happy relationships aren’t rainbows and smiles all the time; you have rough patches, so it’s totally normal to feel irritated by your partner. However, if things your partner does that you once found endearing are all of a sudden irritating you, then your relationship might be failing.

10. You have nothing to talk about.

Once you know each other well, there’s less of a need to talk for hours. But to literally have nothing to talk about at all anymore isn’t a good sign.

11. You’re having fantasies about other people.

It’s totally normal to get distracted and daydream sometimes or to get an intrusive thought if you see someone hot. Actively fantasizing about a life you don’t have can sometimes be a sign you’re unsatisfied, especially if those fantasies involve you being single or dating someone else. According to sex therapist Dr. Christopher Ryan Jones, fantasies are part of being human. “This doesn’t mean that you are not happy in your relationship, or that you would be unfaithful to your partner, or that you want to have sex with someone else. Sometimes they are just nice thoughts to have,” Dr. Jones explains. So fantasies alone may not be a sign of the relationship failing, but fantasies, along with some of the other things on this list, could signal trouble in paradise.

12. You’re envious of other people’s relationships.

You might think you’re content with the state of your relationship until you see how your best friend’s boyfriend treats her and feel a wave of jealousy wash over you. No relationship is perfect, but you shouldn’t be so unsatisfied you’re jealous of other people’s relationships.

13. You’re on autopilot.

You’re kissing them goodbye before work because you always did that, not because you actually want to. If you’re going through the motions, then a part of you knows the relationship is falling apart.

14. Talking about the future makes you uncomfortable.

Sure, at the beginning of a relationship, someone talking about marriage, kids, or moving in together gives you whiplash, but eventually, you naturally find yourself talking or thinking about the future and your partner is always in it. At that point, it just feels right and exciting. But if you notice your partner casually mentioning owning a house together one day and are feeling unsettled, your heart’s no longer in it.

15. You’re scared to leave.

In a healthy relationship, you recognize that life is unpredictable, so you know there’s a possibility of breaking up unexpectedly, but that’s not something you want or really foresee happening. A harsh truth is when people know a relationship is failing, they often just settle. According to Current Psychology, this is a “sunk time effect,” which was observed when participants in the study were willing to invest more time in a relationship if they had already invested time in it. In a nut shell; the longer you’ve been together, the more likely you are to ignore the cracks because you don’t want to start again.

Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.