The communication that happens over text might not seem like much in a relationship, but it actually says a lot about how two people will get along. If I can’t carry on a basic text conversation with you without wanting to pull my hair out, this is why I’d rather just date someone else:
- Yeah, texting is a big freakin’ deal these days! Don’t even try telling me that texting is “no big deal” or that you’re “just not a big texter.” I ain’t buying the BS you’re selling here. It’s 2017. Everyone and their mother has a smartphone. Texting is basically like breathing; we’re all doing it all the time. You can try to pretend you’re different, but I highly doubt it.
- One-word answers make you seem boring AF. When you send me one-word answers, it seriously gets to me. I’m sorry, did you not have the time to construct more than a “K”? Am I not worthy of a little more effort than that? There are so many guys out there who think it’s all fine and dandy to blow ladies off with a one-word text, but I say enough is enough. If you do this to me, don’t expect me to contact you again.
- I think before I text, and so should you. When I text a guy, I don’t just pull a load of nonsense out of my pretty little head — I actually think about what I’m going to say first. I take the time to ask them questions and make sure that I have something interesting to say. If you dare to text me before you’ve bothered to engage your brain, I’m out. I honestly don’t have time to waste on guys like that.
- I don’t want an essay, just a little more than an emoticon. Look, I’m not asking you to write me a novel or craft an autobiography in text form. Long texts can be tiring AF for both parties. Still, if you send me a smiley face rather than an actual response, I’m going to lose it. Emoticons alone do not make up a conversation unless you’re still in preschool. Grow the hell up, and then we’ll talk.
- If you can’t hold up a conversation via text, how will you IRL? The main reason that these half-assed texts are so infuriating is because it shows what kind of a person you are. If you can’t hold a conversation via text when you have all the time in the world to craft a reply, how do you even function in real life? If, when we date, I have to carry the whole darn conversation, neither of us are going to have any fun.
- Sorry, but I’ll judge your spelling and grammar. Poor spellers need not apply. If you have trouble stringing a proper sentence together, I don’t think things are going to work out between the two of us. It probably comes from a latent evolutionary urge to find a smart guy. Basically, I don’t want my kids to be dumb AF.
- I don’t buy this “too busy to text” BS. If you tell me you’re “too busy to text,” all I hear is “I don’t value anyone’s time but my own.” No one is too busy to spend two minutes replying to a text. The fact of the matter is that if you wanted to message me, you would.
- Texting someone back shows that you give a damn. When you text someone back (quickly), it shows that you care. That’s not a weakness. You don’t have to play any games with me here. I’m looking for a guy that isn’t afraid to give a damn about me. That’s my Mr. Right, okay? If you’re him, text me back when you get a chance.
- If you’ve got no sense of humor, that’s a major red flag. When I’m texting with a guy, I get a small taste of his personality. If you can’t go along with some fun banter, there’s no way it’s going to work out. I need a guy who can laugh at me and himself. Life isn’t all about being serious and taking things to heart.
- If I don’t get butterflies when I hear that ‘ping’, we’re done. Okay, this one you actually can’t control. If I like you, my stomach will do roughly 50 somersaults when I hear my phone go off. If I hear that all-too-familiar sound and can’t even be bothered to check my phone, it ain’t love. It ain’t even lust. At least we’ve found out now so we can both move on.
