It happens to the best of us; you’re angry, in a fight with the person you love, and without even thinking, you say things that you regret and wish that you could take back. Sometimes the words that you shout out while in the heat of the moment might even be true but they’re unnecessary to say out loud and/or just downright hurtful. No matter how upset you are, don’t let these things come out of your mouth.
- Any type of threat or ultimatum They put pressure on your partner and the relationship itself and can skyrocket any tension between the two of you. However, threats and ultimatums are especially bad if you say them out of anger or in the middle of a fight. You likely haven’t thought them through and therefore don’t really mean them. Either you’ll have to follow through with something you said that you didn’t actually mean, or your partner will start to stop taking you seriously and get frustrated and annoyed with your empty threats.
- Jabs and insults that have little to do with the actual fight and are only meant to hurt your partner It might take some self-control, but take the high road when you find yourself in a fight with your partner. Try not to make generalizations about your partner or insult their core personality traits. If you make an effort to only focus on what is specifically bothering you in this current situation, you’ll be more successful at reaching an agreement and moving forward rather than wasting time. Communication is the key to a successful relationship and insulting your partner in order to hurt them is not only immature but unproductive. Fights are inevitable in any relationship, but the focus of those arguments should be solution-based.
- Things that upset and/or pissed you off from ages ago that you brushed off or ignored at the time Either bring up issues in real-time as they’re bothering you or don’t bring them up at all. Calling up old issues that your partner didn’t even know were issues is unfair. It will seem like you’ve been adding up all of the problems in your relationship in order to use them in the next fight. It’s fine to bring up something that hurts or bothers you, but do it when it actually happens, not weeks after the fact.
- Anything you’ve fought about in the past and have already come to an agreement about Continuing to rehash old fights that have already been sorted out will get you nowhere that you want to be if you want to continue your relationship. Instead, let the past be the past and only address the issue at hand, not other arguments that you’ve already dealt with. If you bring up past fights, it will become a bloody battlefield with no winners. Plus, if you’ve already forgiven your partner for something, don’t make them explain and apologize for it again (and the same should work in reverse).
- “It doesn’t even matter,” “I don’t even care anymore,” “You won’t listen to me anyway,” or anything along those lines There’s a reason the argument is happening and that you’re angry, so pretending that you don’t care (or deciding that you don’t care after bringing it up and starting the fight) won’t help find a resolution. Also, immediately concluding that your partner won’t listen or understand how you’re feeling is not only unfair but also unproductive.
- Any confession you have or secret you’ve been keeping First of all, you should always be able to be open and honest with your partner. However, sometimes people keep secrets, but during a fight is definitely not the right time to disclose them. You’re likely only coming clean because you know the truth will hurt your partner and you’ll probably regret going about it this way. It’s better to confess anything you’ve been keeping a secret in a calm, rational way, not when your emotions are raging.
- Sentences that include the phrases “you always” or “you never” It’s hard to keep your composure when you’re in an argument, but the more you communicate your thoughts and feelings in a rational way, the easier it will be to reach a resolution with your partner. When you use phrases like “you always” and “you never,” you’re likely exaggerating, blaming, and exasperating the fight itself. Stay calm and explain exactly what is bothering you in this situation without inferring that your partner always does it (or never does).
- “Your friend/mom/sister/whoever agrees with me and thinks you’re wrong” It doesn’t even matter if it’s true or not—arguments between the two of you should stay in the relationship, not be aired out to outsiders. It will most likely make him feel uncomfortable that you’ve been talking about the issue with other people, especially someone who he is close to, like a best friend or sibling. The opinions of other people should have no factor in your relationship or your argument. Opening up this door will lead to uneasiness and toxicity between the two of you.
