My Boyfriend & I Don’t Text — I’m Pretty Sure It’s Why We’re Still Together

In a world where everyone is permanently glued to their smartphones, regular texting is often thought to be an important part of a healthy relationship. But is it really all that necessary? My boyfriend and I barely text each other anymore and it’s done wonders for our happiness as a couple.

  1. Other communication methods are more fulfilling. It might seem a bit old-school, but more ‘traditional’ communication methods really do work better for my boyfriend and I. Get this—we actually speak on the phone most days and on our lunch breaks, we meet in person instead of confining our thoughts to texts! I’ve found that actually hearing a partner’s voice brings so much more of a connection than just reading their words on a screen. You feel like you’re worth more of their time. It takes 10 seconds to send a text, but a 10-minute conversation will bring you so much more satisfaction.
  2. It takes some of the pressure off the relationship. Reducing our expectations regarding texting has helped to take a lot of pressure off both myself and my partner, mainly because we’re not constantly worrying about replying to the other person. We’ve come to see texting as an extra to our relationship rather than something that’s necessary 24/7, and it’s made us both a lot more relaxed. I honestly don’t know how some couples manage to keep a text conversation going all-day, every-day: it must be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
  3. It’s improved my mental healthI suffer from an anxiety disorder, and one of the things I freak out about the most is the state of my relationship. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, texting was one of the worst triggers for this. If my boyfriend took too long to reply (which my brain often decided was ‘more than two minutes’), I would get myself overly worked up and upset. I’d start to worry that I was annoying him, or that he wasn’t interested in me anymore. Deciding that texting isn’t that important to me has been really liberating, and has given me one less thing to worry about!
  4. It makes texts feel much more special. Okay, I may not have been entirely truthful when I said that my boyfriend NEVER texts me—we do exchange the occasional message from time to time. However, it’s so infrequent these days that any texts he does send feel special. Whether it’s a photo of our cat being adorable, a funny article he thought I’d enjoy, or words of encouragement when I’m having a bad day, I know that anything he does send me is from the heart and really intended to make me smile.
  5. We have more to talk about in person. One risk of constantly texting your partner is that you end up telling them about every little detail of your day. What does that leave you to talk about in person? Not a lot, I’d imagine! Since my boyfriend and I have stopped giving each other a minute-by-minute text account of our days as and when stuff happens, we’ve had much more meaningful conversations when we’re both home from work. Our evening debrief is one of my favorite parts of each day.
  6. It prevents unnecessary arguments. Tone can be pretty difficult to ascertain via text, and it’s easy to read a throwaway comment as critical when in reality it was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. You can’t really tell how the person you’re messaging is feeling, no matter how many emojis they use! This can lead to a lot of unnecessary arguments when texts are misinterpreted and tempers flare. It’s easier to avoid this if you’re chatting to your partner in person. People’s facial expressions and body language are a lot harder to misunderstand!
  7. It’s improved my concentration. When my boyfriend and I were still in our text-per-minute phase, I got incredibly distracted at work. I would be checking my phone constantly to see if he’d replied yet. I didn’t want my boyfriend to get upset if I didn’t reply to him straight away, which wouldn’t actually have happened—that was just my anxiety talking. Now that we don’t text nearly as much, I can happily keep my phone in my bag and focus on actually getting my job done. My concentration has vastly improved and I’m so much more productive.
  8. I’m more socially confident. In the past, I’ve used texting to avoid difficult face-to-face conversations or to avoid talking to people at all. I used to find in-person conversation really daunting and awkward and was a lot more reclusive because of it. That changed when I met my boyfriend—it kind of had to for us to actually go anywhere. Now that I know I can maintain a good relationship without needing to text the person constantly, I’m gaining confidence in face-to-face interaction again, not just with my boyfriend but with everyone I meet. I don’t feel the need to hide behind a screen anymore.
  9. I’ve become more independent. It’s tempting to offload your worries and problems onto someone else when they’re so easily contactable, but constantly seeking their advice is a slippery slope. If you’re finding yourself unable to deal with situations unless you send that “HELP ME” text to your partner, you might be becoming a bit too reliant on them. Since my boyfriend and I stopped texting as much, I’ve become much better at solving problems on my own. I still tell him if something major goes down, but I can get through my daily issues and stresses without needing him to send me about 20 motivational texts!
  10. My phone bill has gone right down. Okay, I’m kind of kidding with this one, although saving a few dollars is never a bad thing, right?! I’ve saved nearly $20 each month simply by avoiding extortionate texting charges. That’s a good few extra Starbucks trips. What’s not to love?