We’re wired to assume our partners want to see us succeed. But what if that’s not always the whole story? Even with the best intentions, seemingly supportive gestures can unknowingly stifle your growth. It’s time to challenge those well-worn relationship dynamics and spot the ways good intentions can go wrong.
1. They order meals on your behalf.
They tell you they do this because they know you so well. Sweet, right? Wrong! Even if they mean well, it’s annoying and a red flag that they’re trying to control you. You’re fully capable of deciding what you want and conveying that to the waiter, thanks!
2. They buy you acne medication/weight-loss products… when you never asked.
They think it’s supportive to buy you something you need, such as acne or eczema cream. Or, they might purchase weight-loss products because you mentioned you want to lose a few pounds. Eek. They should never be taking this on. It comes across as sneaky instead of supportive, because you’re left wondering what they’re really trying to say.
3. They tell you how bad your brother/bestie/mother is for your well-being.
You’re an adult who can handle your own friendships and relationships. So, why does your partner seem to want to tell you that you should cut ties with some family members or friend? They’re controlling and want to isolate you! They might say, “I care about you so much, I don’t want them to treat you bad.” Ha, whatever.
4. They tell you not to chase your dreams because they don’t want you to get hurt.
When you express that you want to leave your nine-to-five job to chase a passion, your partner might seem supportive. But they’re not if they tell you that you shouldn’t do it because they don’t want to see you fail and get hurt. What? Genuine support is about being there for you no matter what happens.
5. They tell you to get help when you’re feeling emotional.
You vent to your partner after having a bad day or you express how depressed you’re feeling in your job. Instead of hearing you out, they cut you off and tell you to get help from a therapist. Or, they just brush off your feelings. Woah!
6. They love the daily check-in.
Although it might seem sweet for your partner to check in with you via text every day, sometimes it feels like they want to monitor your movements. This is especially the case when you’re out with your besties.
7. They want you to do X, so they can do Y.
Although they might seem like they’re guiding you to the best decisions to make you happy, they’re actually trying to steer you in a certain direction because it suits them. For example, they might want you to take a new job in a different state because they want to live there.
8. They give you unsolicited advice.
They might say that they care about you so much, they can’t help but jump in when you’re speaking and tell you what to do to solve a problem or issue you’re experiencing. Um, right. They’re trying to control you and make you do what they want you to do. It’s always about them!
9. They give you a reality check when you should be celebrating.
Instead of popping the champagne with you when you achieve success, your so-called supportive partner will be telling you how you’ve got to keep working hard or outlining what new projects you should take on. When you confront them about how they’re killing the vibe, they’ll say they’re trying to be helpful. Whatever.
10. They’re cheering on the sidelines, but they don’t care about your interests.
Although this person might be there to cheer you on when you’re achieving success, they don’t take a genuine interest in what you like or what you do. It feels like their support is superficial.
11. They one-up you but act like they’re being empathetic.
When you talk about something that’s bothering you and you want your partner’s opinion, they’ll quickly tell you about their issues or problems. It’s like they’re one-upping you all the time, whether about positive or negative experiences. It doesn’t feel supportive, it feels competitive.
12. They control the finances.
If you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner and they want to control all the finances, this can feel unsettling. They might try to make it seem like they’re trying to ensure a financially-secure future for you both, but it could be a way to exert more control over you.
13. They don’t ask follow-up questions.
Even though your partner might ask you questions to find out about your day, they never seem to ask follow-up questions. This is something you might miss at first, but it’s telling of someone who’s giving you fake or superficial support.
14. They tell you what to wear so you look your best.
When you’re getting dressed up for date night, your partner will tell you that you should wear your black dress instead of the red one you’re wearing. They tend to do this a lot because they love taking an interest in your fashion choices? Nope. They’re coming across as wanting the best for you, but they want the best for themselves. You should wear whatever you want!
15. They tell you when you’re eating too much sugar or smoking too much.
Someone who’s fake-supportive will pretend to want to care about you, but they’ll smother you and control you. So, when they see you digging into a croissant, they’ll tell you how many grams of sugar it contains. And, when you light up a cigarette, they’ll remind you how bad smoking is for your health. Ugh, it’s so annoying.
