Pretty much everyone is glued to their phones these days, so if a guy you’re into isn’t texting you back in a timely manner (or sometimes at all), he’s probably not really into you. That’s what I thought, but that didn’t seem to be true in my case; my crush was just really bad at texting.
I thought he was sending me mixed signals.
From where I was standing, this looked like a classic case of hot and cold and I really wasn’t feeling it. The problem was, this guy was amazing in person; he always seemed to really enjoy our time together and I definitely did. We always had a great time when we hung out but then he’d never initiate a phone or text conversation. I was super confused.
I went into a deep dark hole of overthinking everything.
I was obsessed with trying to figure out what he was thinking and feeling to the point that it literally dominated my headspace. I seriously didn’t understand what was happening, so I’d replay our little dates to try and remember if I’d said anything that made him not want to text or call or if he’d given me any hints that he wasn’t really feeling it. Ugh, it was torture.
I hated that I missed him when I didn’t hear from him.
I really liked this guy and he seemed to be giving me the signs he liked me too, but days would go by with no contact and it made me miss him. The more time passed without a word from him, the more bummed out I felt about the whole scenario.
I was always the one initiating conversation via text.
I’m pretty confident so I had no problem being the first one to reach out. I’d send him that cute follow-up text asking him how that meeting he was dreading at work went or telling him about a new restaurant opening in town. He’d respond to me eventually, of course, but I wished sometimes that he’d message me first.
After receiving some lukewarm responses, I gave up.
Sometimes he wouldn’t reply to my message for three or four days, which is rude and also kind of a pretty clear sign that he wasn’t feeling it. I felt stupid and decided I needed to keep my dignity. I stopped messaging him altogether and started working on getting over him.
Absence must really make the heart grow fonder.
When I cut off contact cold turkey, something must have clicked in his brain because suddenly he was the one calling and texting me. I didn’t want to become invested in him again only to get ghosted, but I really liked him so not only did I answer his message, I went out on another date with him.
History repeated itself: he went silent after we hung out.
Our dates went really well and we had amazing chemistry, but there was barely any contact between our dates and I started to give up hope again. I didn’t feel like he wanted to make the effort and couldn’t figure out why he’d bothered to reach out when he clearly wasn’t interested. Common sense told me it was time to block him and save my sanity but I couldn’t walk away just yet.
I decided to put my heart on the line.
I was in a bit of a dilemma because this guy was great in person. We were a perfect match when we were together but when we weren’t, we literally never spoke. I decided the best course of action was to talk to him about how I was feeling to hear what he had to say. It took a little bit of courage and a lot of champagne but I finally came right out and asked him what was up.
Apparently he just doesn’t really care about his phone.
He told me he was totally into me—he just wasn’t all that into his phone. He admitted to being a bad texter and while my first instinct was that he was full of crap, I could tell he was being honest. When I looked back, I realized that he’d never once stopped to look at his phone or take a call on any of our dates. In fact, his phone was totally out of sight!
Actions speak louder than texts.
I learned a pretty valuable lesson from being with this guy. I’ve taken a page out of his book and I also keep my phone out of sight at lunches and dinners and even when I’m out with friends. Personal connections are super important, so now I focus on being present instead of scrolling down Facebook or Instagram or any other app. Thankfully, I have a great distraction in the form of an amazing guy.
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