I Can Thrive On My Own, So I’m Not Settling For Someone Who’s Not Worth It

I Can Thrive On My Own, So I’m Not Settling For Someone Who’s Not Worth It

I dated a toxic guy who I thought could make me happy… so long as he changed his ways. I held onto the hope that things could get better, but it meant I wasn’t focusing on the cold, hard truth in front of me: things were terrible and toxic and they would always be. I learned it’s better to be alone than with a guy who makes every single day a stressful, miserable experience.

  1. I won’t get stuck on someone else’s journey. He was selfish, unreliable and annoying AF. At least when I’m on my own, I’m free to do whatever I want to be happy and all the problems I have are my own. This is so much better than taking on someone else’s baggage. It’s not my responsibility!
  2. I have loads of love to give. Loving a toxic guy is a total waste because he doesn’t even appreciate it. I’d rather use that love in more positive ways, such as by loving myself and saving all that’s inside of me for someone who actually deserves it.
  3. I don’t want to lose my valuable resources. A lot of money, love and time went into my relationship with the toxic guy because he was so manipulative as well as a recovering addict who wasn’t serious about getting better. All those resources should have gone to better use. If only he could refund me some of that time. FFS.
  4. I don’t have time for selfish losers. Toxic guys have one thing in common: they’re selfish AF. Whether they’re addicts or sociopaths or flaky on commitment, they’re only after what they want without caring about what the other person feels. I don’t want to be in that situation because my needs matter. I won’t put them on the backburner again.
  5. What’s the payoff? Being in a relationship might feel good, but only if it’s actually bringing value to my life. It’s not enough for me to date just for the sake of it so that I can say that I have someone. What’s the point of that? Being with a toxic guy means that I’m sad and stressed all the time because of their drama. I’d rather be alone and in control of my own happiness.
  6. I won’t “waste the pretty.” I’ll never forget reading “He’s Just Not That Into You” during my relationship with the toxic guy who had gone AWOL on me. In the book, author Greg Behrendt encourages women not to “waste the pretty.” I feel like I wasted months with this toxic guy who didn’t even appreciate all the things that made me a catch. Screw that. I’d rather be alone than with someone who takes me for granted. I deserve better.
  7. Drama is only great in TV series. It might be exciting to have a bit of drama — at least that’s what I thought when I started dating the toxic guy. I thought it was exciting and better than being bored on a Friday night but it wasn’t. Soon, it became highly stressful because he expected me to solve all his problems. I’d feel anxious when I saw his name pop up on my caller ID. “Stressed out” is not how I want to live all the time. I’d rather have thousands of boring Friday nights that are filled with inner peace. It’s better for my health.
  8. Toxic men are damaged and they’ll damage the women they date. The guy I was dating crushed my confidence by body-shaming me and he always made me doubt myself because he had such a sick way of blaming me for everything. This really messed with my head. It was clear to me that toxic people are damaged souls and they go out and find healthy people to mess with. Screw that. I’m healthy and strong AF on my own. I refuse to get stuck with a guy who’s trying to weaken me.
  9. I’d rather growFocusing on myself and my dreams enables me to grow so much more than being stuck with a toxic guy who just stunts my happiness and self-growth. There’s so much more life to be experienced in the former. As they say: careful who you bring along on your journey.
  10. I want to control my future. There’s a lot of doubt attached to toxic men. They’re usually people who promise the world but their checks always bounce. The toxic guy I dated claimed to love me but he was very wishy-washy about commitment, with the result that the future wasn’t clear. No more. I want to have a future I decide on and something I look forward to achieving. I’d rather do that on my own terms because then it’s all in my hands, not in the hands of a loser.
  11. I don’t want to be left with nothing. Toxic men are tornados. They come into your life, suck you into their drama, and then toss you aside when it’s no longer convenient for them. After the toxic guy and I broke up, I realized how much he took from me: my self-confidence, my self-belief, my time, my energy, and more. It’s just not worth it. I’d rather be alone and have all those precious things intact because they are worth so much more than a relationship, especially a toxic relationship that leaves me empty.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.