It Took Him So Long To Realize I Was The Girl He Wanted That When He Finally Did, It Was Too Late

A lot of things are uncertain in life, but how a man feels about me romantically shouldn’t be one of them. I dated a guy who didn’t want a real relationship and didn’t want to be exclusive. He just wasn’t sure about me, but when he finally figured out that I was the girl he wanted, it was simply too late. Here’s why:

  1. I wasn’t going to wait around forever. It’s like he just expected me to pine for his love like he wanted to be wooed. I refuse to beg for a man’s attention. He didn’t want me so I didn’t sit and sulk and I definitely didn’t wait for him. I could have wasted so much time while he figured things out on just the chance that he might someday want me, but I’d never put off my future for a guy who doesn’t know how he feels.
  2. I knew I couldn’t force him to have feelings for me. I could have stuck around and tried to manipulate him into feeling something for me, but I’m so much better than that. He didn’t want a relationship and that told me exactly where we stood. He meant more to me than I did to him and I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to change that. Feelings should come naturally and I’ll never be so desperate as to try to force a guy’s heart.
  3. I had to continue to live my life regardless of his issues. I wasn’t going to put the rest of my life on pause while he took his time figuring out whether he wanted to be in a real relationship with me. He might have had commitment issues, but I didn’t sign on for that. My social life and my love life continued while his just staggered, and at the end of the day, the fact that he doesn’t have me is 100 percent his fault.
  4. I’m not into “it’s complicated” relationships. I’m way too old for drama. On again off again, are we aren’t we, almost relationships, FWB—none of that BS is for me. I want a relationship to be simple. We’re either together or we’re not. He either wants to be with me or he doesn’t. So hanging in limbo hoping he’d realize I’m a catch just wasn’t an option for me.
  5. I was never going to stop looking for love. I loved him and he didn’t love me back. The fact that he didn’t want to be exclusive and have a serious relationship with me didn’t change how I felt about him, but it did change my actions. I wasn’t going to sit by and let the chance at finding love with someone else pass me by. I may have loved him, but I wanted to be loved in return. So I never stopped looking for love, and unfortunately for him, I found it.
  6. Once he realized he wanted me, I realized I didn’t need him. I didn’t need a man who took that long to choose me. I didn’t need someone in my life that took almost a year to see my potential. I was too good for a guy who thought for so long that I wasn’t good enough. I lived my life without him and I was perfectly happy. In the end, it was nice to be wanted (eventually), but there’s no room in my life for that kind of uncertainty.
  7. I don’t ever put all my eggs in one basket. He said he didn’t want to be with me the way I wanted to be with him and I took that to mean that I was free to date other people. So I did. It’s not my fault that I moved on in the process. I would never bank on someone who isn’t even betting on me, and in the end, I found a man way better for me while he was left with nothing.
  8. He shouldn’t have had to take the time to figure out if he had feelings for me. When you love someone, you just know. It’s not something you question or a situation where you have to weigh your options. There shouldn’t be a pros and cons list. A woman isn’t like a car you shop around for before deciding which model to buy. He either wanted me or he didn’t and since he couldn’t make a firm decision, I made it for him.
  9. I don’t date guys who don’t know what they want. I know exactly what I want out of life and I’m not going to let a man with no clue hold me back. How were we ever supposed to be on the same page if he was so confused about what he wanted? He should have taken me seriously when we started dating because I never signed up for something casual.
  10. He should have realized how amazing I was when he had the chance. He couldn’t see my worth, but I did. I gave him a chance to get to know the real me, and he took that chance for granted. He didn’t see how amazing I am, and at the end of the day, that’s his loss. I’m a catch, and he shouldn’t have scooped me up, but he didn’t and trying to reel me in now is simply too little too late.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.