It is not always a given that you meet wonderful, emotionally-aware people in your life. That means that when you do come across a compassionate man, you will notice it immediately. Here are 19 traits of men who are deeply compassionate for you to look out for on the next dating app sweep.
1. They always text first.
There’s a special place in heaven for men whose arms you don’t have to twist to get a “good morning” text. Compassionate men know what it’s like to be on the other side of the screen, and they’re also aware of what a difference it can make to type out a few words and hit the send button.
2. They put their egos aside.
A compassionate man won’t pretend not to see when you’re upset even if you’re not communicating it. He won’t demand that you change; he’ll set his ego aside and meet you where you’re at. They’re secure enough in themselves that they don’t need constant validation — they know how to put your feelings center stage.
3. They ask about your family.
You don’t realize how much people won’t ask about your life and your family when you’re dating or even just hanging out as friends. Compassionate men will stand out for wanting to know more about you, especially when it comes to the people who raised you and to whom you’re closest in the world. (P.S. If you want to up your chances of finding someone like this in the dating world, check out our sister site, Sweetn. They can help you get there!)
4. They listen.
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I don’t just mean that they grunt at you while the football is on, I mean that the put their phones down, make you coffee, and look you in the eye while you talk. It’s the small details that matter. These guys understand that feeling heard is important in a relationship, and they want to make sure you do.
5. They’re not afraid to show their affection.
I know so many people who complain that their partner is lovely-dovey and cute in private, but as soon as they leave the house or meet up with other friends, they get shy and embarrassed. Compassionate men will never let you doubt their feelings. Sure, they’re not packing on the PDA since that’s kinda gross, but they also don’t pretend you’re a stranger they’ve never met.
6. They don’t play games.
A compassionate man will have experienced a range of things that caused him to become so. As a result, he’s kind, clear, and intentional in how he talks to you both in person and online. They’re not interested in keeping you guessing or playing hard to get. That’s immature, and they know you both deserve better.
7. They know what love languages are.
Demonstrating literacy with the research that underpins compassion is also key. They won’t hide that either, and you could actually learn something from them rather than have to play the teacher role in emotional intelligence 101. You’re equals, and that makes your relationship way less frustrating and more fulfilling.
8. They can talk about past relationships with grace.
There’s nothing more frustrating than asking about a man’s dating history and getting a wave of bitter vitriol in return. We’re not in the business of bashing our previous partners as a misguided attempt to reassure the new partner. Compassionate men will take responsibility for why their previous relationships ended.
9. They watch all your girly TV shows without complaining.
Maybe the bar is on the floor with this one, but having a partner to watch “Selling Sunset” with on a Friday night with some wine is SUCH a good casual date night activity. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. Guys who are willing to indulge in your favorite trashy TV show just because they know how much you love it are total keepers.
10. They tell you if you hurt their feelings.
Compassionate guys won’t waste their own time or avoid resolving conflict. The key is communication, and they’ll always share how they’re feeling and expect you to reciprocate. If you say something that rubs them up the wrong way or upsets them, they tell you directly so that you can work through the issue instead of letting it snowball or allowing resentment to fester.
11. They have emotionally-aware friends.
I know we can’t always be responsible for what our friends do or say, but it’s always a green flag to see that a man’s friendship group encourages him to be compassionate. You know it’s not a performance — he actually lives by the values he claims to have, which makes them way more likely to stick.
12. They’ve read “What To Expect When You’re Expecting.”
It was supposedly to prepare for when they became fathers in the future, and even though you’re not necessarily ready for kids, it’s great to know that they’re on their minds. Obviously, it doesn’t have to be this book, which is a bit random and a bit outdated at this point. It’s more of a principle here — all you want is someone who’s proactive in bettering themselves.
13. They’ve watched “Friends” from start to finish.
They also know that Ross and Rachel were on a break but can see that Ross was still in the wrong. Controversially, they actually loved Joey and Rachel together. You agree to disagree on that one. Why does this make them more compassionate, you ask? It conveys a down-to-earth attitude that allows them to relate to people and empathize with them way better. You don’t have to understand it for it to be true!
14. They grew up with sisters.
This isn’t something that anyone can control but it’s still a great sign that these guys probably grew up in a feminine environment. They’ll always be more in touch with their emotions than their friends who only had brothers. Being surrounded by women makes you way more aware of what they actually go through, and that’s a good thing.
15. They have a good relationship with their family.
The vulnerability that underpins sharing details about your family cannot be understated. Compassionate guys encourage you to talk about your family and always find common ground with their own experiences. They know that the people who raised you are significant in your life because they are in theirs.
16. They invite you to their hobbies.
Whether it’s attending a football game in the freezing Sunday morning fixture, or helping them order that new chess set on eBay that they had their eyes on, you love getting to see all these details in their lives. Compassionate men love to share the things they’re passionate about with the people they’re passionate about. It’s actually pretty sweet.
17. They reveal their nerdy side.
It’s a real step towards intimacy when someone reveals their nerdy side to a partner. It shows how much you trust each other and hold value in making the other person feel safe. They know you won’t judge them for being a bit quirky — in fact, you’ll appreciate them even more.
18. They know that romance is more than just roses on Valentine’s Day.
Compassion, love, and self-knowledge all go hand-in-hand. They know you and how to support you, and they always choose to do that. They know that your favorite flower is an orchid and get that roses are way too overdone to be a meaningful gesture of affection. They’re more about showing their love and appreciation on a daily basis rather than waiting for a special occasion.
19. They go to therapy.
Need I say more? They walk the walk and talk the talk when it comes to exhibiting compassionate traits. They took themselves to therapy and are always reaping the rewards. They know that they have to do the work if they want to become better people, and they’re all about that life. We love seeing the evidence of compassion in our partners, particularly men, and it’s always important to ensure you’re giving back that emotional intelligence too.
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