I used to want a relationship so much, I never stopped to think about whether or not the guys I was dating were actually giving me what I needed. Now I look back at that period in my life and wonder what the hell I was thinking. Please don’t do this to yourself!
- It reeks of low self-esteem. Chasing some guy is basically telling the whole world I don’t think I’m good enough to realize I deserve someone who treats me right. I know my worth, so I’m not going to waste my time with someone who doesn’t appreciate me. I wouldn’t go around holding a sign saying I’m unworthy of love, but if I go around chasing guys who aren’t that into me, that’s exactly what I’m doing and I realize that now.
- Not chasing guys isn’t the same as being aloof or uninterested. I used to think that there were only two options—going after guys I wanted and not letting their apparent disinterest stop me or playing it cool and pretending to not be interested in them at all, which I figured was the only way to get them to chase me. Now I know these are both totally lame ways of behaving in a relationship. I openly express my interest if that’s how I feel, but I also have a very clear idea of what sort of behavior I’m willing to accept. If the guy’s not putting up, I’m not going to waste my time trying to turn things around.
- If a guy’s not willing to make an effort, he’s not worth my time. I want to feel loved when I’m with someone. If I feel like I have to earn it instead of love being given freely, then it’s really not the right way to be. I use to see such guys as a challenge, but then I realized relationships shouldn’t be about convincing someone else that you’re worthy of their time and energy. They either see it immediately or they don’t and someone else will.
- There are plenty of other guys out there. I used to get so hung up on particular guys that I forgot that there are other guys around. To be honest, if a guy’s not giving you the time of day then you can definitely find a better person to date. Stop, compose yourself and then start looking again. It’s a hell of a lot better than trying to make someone love you who doesn’t.
- Chasing someone who’s not into me will only make me feel worse about myself. I’m basically just constantly proving to myself that I’m not worthy of love. It’s like having someone scream in my ear that I’m a loser all day every day. Why would I do that to myself? I guess back when I used to do this, a part of me secretly believed that this was the case and that’s why I kept chasing guys who weren’t into me. But when I realized how bad that was, I stopped. I spent some time on my own working on myself, till I got to the point where I could date from a place of self-awareness.
- It makes me look desperate. Sorry, but there’s no nice way of putting it. Guys are not going to respect me if I keep running after them even though they treat me like crap. Yes, the only way I can stay with some guys is by being a total doormat, but they’ll still end up with a woman who stands her ground when they’re ready to actually commit. I’d rather save myself the heartache and looking like a sad, lonely person and cut them out of my life before they do it for me.
- It skews the power dynamics, and not in my favor. It’s never going to be an equal relationship if I’m the one always making the effort. If I stop pushing and the guy does nothing, I know I’m always going to be the one struggling to make things happen between us. It will never change. I used to lie to myself and believe things could be different, but time after time I was proven wrong. If the guy’s not all in from the start, he never will be. Time to move on.
- If I don’t respect myself, no one else will. Why would they? I’m basically advertising myself as the sort of person who’d bend over backward just to keep a guy, no matter how badly that guy treats me. Once I became more selective and assertive in my relationships, guys started to have a lot more respect for me. Sure, not every guy I date will be into me, but if I’m willing to walk away when you realize this, I’m far better off than trying to make it work.
- It’s best to let them come to me. I want to be my best possible self, put myself out there and watch guys begin to show interest themselves. I’ll never get a chance to watch this magic unfold unless I stop chasing and start just being
