I Want A Man Who Chases Me Even When He’s Already Got Me

I love it when a guy I’ve started seeing plans dates for us, treats me like a queen and respects me, but I don’t want the chase to end once he’s locked me down into a relationship. Hell no. I want him to continue chasing me long after we’ve gotten together. Here’s why it’s so important.

  1. He needs to show me that I’m still worth it. It’s too easy for a guy to chase me and then stop making an effort once he gets what he wants, like relationship security, support, or sex. That’s BS! I want a guy who keeps showing me that he loves me, not just for what I have to offer but for who I am.
  2. The short-term chase is overrated. A guy who chases me hard to make me his… Yeah, that’s nice, but if he can’t maintain the attention he gives me once we’re a couple, his actions don’t impress me. They feel shady, actually, like he had an ulterior motive. Maybe he was just keen on making me like him for the ego stroke.
  3. I won’t stay where I don’t feel wanted. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t show me that he values me. I need to feel loved and wanted, otherwise, I’ll end that relationship and find someone who has real feelings and isn’t afraid to show them. I deserve more than the bare minimum, for goodness’ sake.
  4. I won’t be taken for granted. One of the first signs that a guy is taking me for granted is when he stops trying to impress me. He just assumes I’ll be there, so he doesn’t have to look decent on dates, make an effort with romance, or ask me how my day was. Screw that. I can walk out the door and never look back, dude.
  5. I give what I get. I’m not saying the guy has to keep impressing me while I sit back. I’m the type of girlfriend who shows my BF I love him regularly with words and actions. So basically, I’m always chasing my S.O. and showing him that I’m still very much into him. I want the same in return or else we’re not giving equally to the relationship.
  6. This isn’t the honeymoon phase—it’s better. Maintaining the chase isn’t about keeping the honeymoon phase going. I don’t expect a relationship to be all about bliss and champagne. I’m more realistic than that. I want a man who puts effort into keeping the relationship going. That’s what the chase means. He has to show me he’ll put in the work to make us thrive.
  7. Keep your games on the playground! I really thought the dating games ended when the guy got the girl, but that’s wishful thinking. Sometimes, guys keep playing games like boosting their interest only when they feel me pulling away. What kinda BS is this? I want someone who can offer me security and doesn’t play stupid games because he gets his kicks from more mature and satisfying things, like having a great relationship based on trust, love, and comfort.
  8. Some guys are only after the chase. I once dated a guy who seemed so crazy about me… until we made our relationship official. Then suddenly he was acting weirdly distant and like he didn’t want to be tied down. WTF? He was just after the thrill of the chase. I want a guy who proves to me that he’s after something real.
  9. I’m not going to chase him if he won’t chase me. I used to fall into the trap of thinking that if a guy started to pull away after the chase, I’d have to work harder to keep him here. No thanks. I refuse to carry the relationship along on my shoulders. If he doesn’t share the weight, clearly he’s not committed.
  10. I don’t want a boring long-term relationship. Let’s be honest: LTRs can become boring AF, but if both parties are keen to keep things fresh and new, they don’t have to hit a slump. One of the ways to achieve that is to realize the challenge isn’t over just because we’re official – there are many exciting milestones to come. He’s got to feel the excitement of sharing those milestones so we’re on track to something amazing.
  11. It shows me that he’s looking to the future. If a guy’s not interested in anything long-term, I’ll see by how he stops chasing me. It’s like his interest is fizzling out right in front of my eyes, and it sucks. Why would I stay with someone who treats me like I’m just his temporary fancy? I’m after something long-term and don’t want to waste my time.
  12. He needs to be up for the challenge. If a guy can’t keep me happy by being a decent, caring man, what hope do we have of surviving tough times in our relationship? A guy who stops chasing when he gets me to date him isn’t likely to be the kind of guy who’ll ramp up his attention when bad times roll around. He might bolt. I want a guy who’s by my side right from the start and man enough to step up when required.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.