When my ex and I used to get down, I felt a real connection with him and we always felt even closer afterward… until one day, we didn’t. We started having bad times, stuff that didn’t really go anywhere for either of us and was totally unsatisfying. I was still into it and doing everything I could to make things better but I seemed to be alone in that. That’s when I knew that his feelings had changed and our relationship was on the outs.
- It just felt cold. My ex had been my first love, so it was more special because of that fact. I’d feel bonded to him afterwards so it really wasn’t just a physical act for me. But eventually it really lacked the warmth I was used to with him, which threw me off.
- He didn’t cuddle me afterward. I know it’s unrealistic to want to cuddle after ever session, but it’s really about tenderness. Afterwards, we’d be close in some way or another. We’d chat or cuddle or curl up together. All of a sudden, though, he was out of the room like a bullet after it was done, which made me feel neglected.
- There was no kissing. He didn’t kiss me before, during or after. In fact, we started getting down in positions that enabled him not to get close to me. It felt like more than just experimenting with a new position. It felt distant and like I was just a body for his needs.
- I felt rejected. At first, I thought I was overreacting or that maybe I was having some early PMS that was making me overly sensitive, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was changing towards me because of this huge lack of intimacy during what should be one of the most intimate acts for couples.
- It was all about his pleasure. It felt like he had just wanted instant satisfaction. It was all about his orgasm, his pleasure. There was nothing pleasurable in it for me and he hadn’t cared if I was having a great time. He never used to be like that, so this was a HUGE red flag.
- He was just going through the motions. Afterwards, I realized the guy was just going through the motions — not with the act, but with our entire relationship. We’d lost the spark and my gut kept telling me that something was seriously wrong.
- Soon afterward, I suspected him of cheating. A few weeks after the bad times started, I started wondering if the guy was cheating on me. He was calling me less, becoming more and more unavailable and was canceling most of our dates. Yup, pretty good signs that he was getting his rocks off somewhere else.
- I stopped sleeping with him altogether. Interestingly, he’d still see me sometimes and want to have it, but it was very convenient for him to have one leg out of our relationship and the other dragging me to bed. I didn’t have it with him anymore. I didn’t want to until I knew exactly what was going on with us.
- My cheating suspicions were confirmed. It sucks being right sometimes and I experienced that when I discovered the guy was definitely cheating, thanks to his side piece sending me a text, asking me if I was in his life. I’d been right in thinking that the bad times had been a sign of impending doom.
- I learned that it is not just about getting down. It was something that told me a lot about the state of my relationship and I learned how valuable it is to measure my connection (or lack of it) with a partner. Since that experience, I have always trusted it to reveal to me if something’s off in a relationship.
- I realized that it has to involve love. I’ve never been a person who can get down without love. It just feels wrong and this experience taught me how horrible it can be to go through it. I don’t want anything soulless, ever!
- I knew I deserved better. Even though it hurt like hell to know that my relationship was sinking fast, I also knew that I didn’t want to settle for intimacy without love or a boyfriend who was not even really present anymore. I knew that I deserved better: loyalty, trust, and fabulous intimacy. That loser guy taught me that those things are non-negotiable!
